A true letter from a mother whos son was gay...

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The following is a very strong and moving letter
written by the mother of a gay boy in Vermont...

"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?

If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul, a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving to be better human beings than we are?" Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that? "

that was one hell of a letter, she is my kinda woman

True, I don't usually get tears, however that one almost did. It just sent chills up my spine.

The world needs a lot more people like this. Someone who sticks it to those thoughtless, ignorant slobs and rubs their stupidity and jackassery in their faces.

That's the sort of mother we'd all like to have. What a woman!

/Salute

That is one hell of a mother.

I agree, I wish there wre more people like this out there. One can only hope that some day people understand what she was expressing in her letter.

It's funny because I'm a Vermonter. I've seen the wrath of the "Take Back Vermont" movement and watched all the anti-gay sentiment towards civil unions. However, I am proud to hail from a state that recognizes the idea of freedom. After all, Vermont has a storied history of being anti-slavery and so forth. Of course, there are demons (such as the state's treatment of Abenaki indians in the 1930s, of which are my ancestors) but Vermont is generally a very tolerant place.

Hopefully, one of these days, homosexuals will be as widely accepted as people of different skin colors and religions. Until that happens, you just gotta learn to respect your gay and lesbian friends and provide support any way you can. I honestly don't understand why people still make a big deal out of it.

I like to collect letters and articles like this one. They give me back a little bit of faith in humanity every time.

My name is Leslie Sadasivan. I am a nurse, a Catholic, and the mother of a gay son, Robbie Kirkland. When my family and I realized that Robbie was gay we let him know immediately that we loved, supported, and accepted him. After all, we had raised him to believe that God loves and accepts everyone despite their differences in race, color creed, and sexual identity. But our efforts could not protect him from the rejection and harassment he experienced at his Catholic schools and his overall perception of how society and religion view homosexuality. As early as first grade, Robbie was teased and harassed because he was noticeably different from the other boys. Robbie was soft spoken, gentle, creative, and hated sports. Despite his many efforts to fit in with the other boys, such as participating in sports and pretending to have crushes on girls, Robbie was still perceived as different and eventually as gay. When he did tell us about the early years of harassment, coming home with scratches and torn pants, of being hit by another boy in the locker room, having rocks thrown at him, and of being pushed down in the snow and called "faggot" by a school mate, we took him to a counselor and eventually changed his school. Unfortunately, the teasing and harassment that so humiliated Robbie, proceeded to escalate as he got older. Robbie however, stopped telling us about it. Most of the teasing and physical attacks Robbie experienced in school occurred out of the teacher's view in hallways, playgrounds, bathrooms, locker rooms, buses, and unsupervised classrooms. In a classroom filled with students, but no teacher, a classmate came after him with a sharpened pencil, pointed it in his face and yelled "faggot" repeatedly. Many other acts of aggression were subtle, but persistent. Over time name calling, pushing , shoving, and general exclusion left him feeling ashamed, insecure, and alone. By the time Robbie knew he was gay, at age 10, he was already aware of society1s hatred of people like him. In the later elementary grades, Robbie continued to be teased and harassed because he was perceived as gay. Our family was not aware of it until his close friend Jennie, shared letters that he had sent to her. He wrote, "I'll tell you why people make fun of me...You see I talk differently, I have a slight lisp and I1m kinda of sucky at sports. People call me gay." He also described everyone in his school, including himself, as being homophobic. It was in 8th grade that Robbie made his first suicide attempt. His suicide note began with "Whatever you find, I'm not gay" and ended with "Robbie Kirkland, the boy who told himself to put on a smile, shut up, and pretend you're happy. It didn't work." After that attempt, his therapist confirmed our suspicions that he was gay. Our family rallied around him with love, acceptance, and support. My unconditional love and acceptance blinded me from seeing how unhappy he was. After several months, his therapist helped me to understand Robbie's struggle and unhappiness with who he really was. We hoped that high school would be different. Because his new high school was large, he had high hopes that he would not be picked on or singled out. In a letter to his close friend he wrote, "I yearn for high school, because there I'll just be a face in the crowd and no one will notice me and I'll be left alone." But Robbie's hopes were just that, hope. Although we were not aware, the harassment continued. Robbie shot himself in the head on January 2, 1997, four months into his ninth grade year. It was the end of Christmas break. He was fourteen, and was found by my nineteen year old daughter Danielle. I believe his timing to be intentional so that he could avoid the pain of returning to school. Robbie wrote "I hope I can find the peace in death that I could not find in life," and he asked for us to pray for him and to remember him. For 2 years prior to his death the change in Robbie from a happy fun loving child to a reclusive moody teenager had profoundly affected our family. I initially dismissed his change in behavior as typical of being an adolescent. Little did I realize what the future held. Needless to say, our whole family has been devastated by this tragedy. Our lives are forever changed for having lost such a loving gentle sensitive young man. Since his death, I have told Robbie's story to whomever will listen, in the hope of bringing some good from this tragedy. Robbie's death has already had an influence on the Catholic school which he attended. After Robbie died, the school's president addressed the student body and explicitly spelled out that gays - and indeed all people - have dignity, and that this is never to be violated. The speech will be given to all incoming freshman. My purpose now is to help other gay youth. To this end I have become active in the gay rights movement and have joined organizations such as GLSEN and PFLAG. I sincerely hope that GLSEN's Back To School Campaign can bring about the needed change to make every school environment a safe place for gay youth.

Wow... sucha very sad story. It's sad people still act this way in today's society. Even more sad it won't change anytime soon and it won't change until people realize a persons sexuality is not what makes them who they are and that sexuality is not something chosen but instead something you're born with.Just a very sad story.

It's so sad. Sometimes kids are so heartless. But, I don't agree with you, NTroducingmyself. Even if sexuality was a choice, other people must accept it and respect it. We live in free countries after all, and we have any right to express our sexual desires, since we're not harming anyone.Well, I think the headmaster could do better things than just watching this poor kid being beaten up by some stupid bullies. Parents should've been warned about this, also.Anyway, both letters were very touching.

I am not gonna even comment on that post. LOL

A cooment about the fact I said the story was sad or the fact I think it's sad how this person was treated and how society views gay people?Not sure what I said that was so wrong.

But, I don't agree with you, NTroducingmyself. Even if sexuality was a choice, other people must accept it and respect it. We live in free countries after all, and we have any right to express our sexual desires, since we're not harming anyone.Problem is people don't respect it.. THAT's my point. i agree that society should respect it if it was a choice or if it was something you're born with. But the fact it's NOT a choice is what makes it even worse. Unfortunately it's not how society works. We can say what SHOULD happen but we have to look at the reality of the situation. It's a sad situation that people are judged on something they have no control over, it can be relationed to how black people were treated. They had no control on what color they were born, but they were treated on that color.. something they were born with.Not sure what I said in my point that was wrong. I re-read the post like 5 times and still lost lol. If nothing else I think you and I are were basically saying the same thing, just stating it in a different way.

I agree with you Eddie dear, I don't see where you said anything wrong. I'm confused too... of course I'm always confused lolHomosexuality is not a disease, it's not something that makes a person any less a human being, and it's not something that a person should be ashamed of; it's just a part of who a person is nothing more and nothing less. Someone's sexual prefrence (regardless of the gender) should be respected, but that's not how this society works. It is still shunned and concidered "dirty" when it's not, you can't choose who you're attracted to regardless of what people say... it just happens. It angers me when someone belittles someone because of their sexual prefernce, it saddens me to see so many mental midgets out there who cannot get over theirselves long enough to allow someone else a little happiness. Okay, I'm starting to rant so I'll shut up now...

Well, you're not wrong at all. My reply was totally incorrect. I wanted to say that if your sexual orientation was made only by your choice (not genetically), you should be still able to do whatever you like without anyone misjudging you.. I'm telling this because I suppose we don't know exactly how is someone's sexual orientation scientifically determined.I feel sorry for confusing you... Anyway, we both have the same opinion here, so there's no need to argue about it :P

I don't think there was ever a day I chose to be gay. Straight people don't wake up one day and say, I think I'll be straight. Some people think (not referring to anyone in particular here) that this is a choice. Do you honestly think, I woke up one morning and said, in my teenage years I want to be a gay alcoholic? and addict? Give me a break.

hehe it's okay confusion happens, esp on a message board. I just wanted to make sure I didn't say something that made it sounds like I was saying something I wasn't.And NYyankee, nataku wasn't saying that being gay was something choosen just stating that even is it was something that was choosen it should still be respect. And I agree with that fact it's not something we choose, it's something we have no control over.