Gay Married.... How to keep wife satisfied?

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BY THE WAYJust thought i'd remind you all of this post  Quote: I'm concerned that we are not giving as friendly a response to new posters as we should. I'd like to suggest:1. It's scary to post on a new board for the first time. Everyone seems to know each other and you're new. It's even more scary when you're talking about something that is very personal that you haven't talked about to anyone else before. A friendly response is therefore very important.2. As I've said before, the main purpose of this board isn't to provide a cosy home to old regulars, but to provide helpful answers to people with questions. Therefore new, uncertain, posters are what the board is about.3. Some people have abrasive styles of speaking. Sometimes that is due to nervousness or feeling insecure. Sometimes it is due to other things behind the scenes that we don't know about. (There are some people here with horrific stories.) We should never be quick to take offence.4. Under this new software, new posters don't get shown the dates of posts unless they make a selection in their preferences that they are nowhere told to make. It's therefore not fair to come down hard on people for re-opening old threads. I think it's something we fuss too much about, and cause more trouble over than it's worth. Either the re-opened thread can be left quietly to die again, or the poster can be politely told that the thread is old and the original poster gone. Occasionally, re-opening the thread may actually prove to be worthwhile.

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4This guy came here for help. Not to be bashed. If you don't have ANYTHING nice to say.. dont say it. And if you are going to say it... don't push so hard to hurt someones feelings.Very well said, pinkranger4. You're an angel :-)

Did you get that PM i sent you?

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4Did you get that PM i sent you? Yes, I did. Thank you. Still reading over there.

Feel free to help this young man ruin not just his own life, but the life of his "wife" and kids. I hope it makes you feel real warm inside.

Pink as far as I can tell, we have all given him advice. It might not have been the advice he wanted to hear, but regardless it's advice. Sometimes the hardest advice to take is the truth, which I think plenty people have given him.I'm sorry he felt he was going to hear people actually tell him how to lie and deceive this woman... but just not going to happen.

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4The posts that those have made here.. make people hurt, make people depressed and often make them think about suicide. And what effect do you imagine his plans would have on the mindset of the unsuspecting female involved here? The exact strategy he is planning has driven women (God alone knows how many of them) to suicide - have a quick look round the net and provide yourself with some facts.You’ve switched modes here from saccharine sweet to a nosy, presumptuous and intrusive busybody Pink Ranger. You are NOT the Post Police – don’t assume the right to tell me what to post. If you don’t like the tone of my posts there’s a simple way out of that: Don’t read them.If you think the “help” this poster came here looking for; suggestions on how to feign arousal where he feels none in order to deceive a woman for the rest of her natural life, is acceptable, you and I are VERY MUCH in disagreement. Like Ntro and LTTA, I agree that this is WHOLLY INAPPROPRIATE ADVICE TO BE SOUGHT OR GIVEN on these boards. If YOU think THAT is appropriate advice for anyone to give him go ahead and give him your tips on how to fake a hard-on yourself.

Well said.

No I may not be the post police. But I've been attacked like him before and the way that I said you make people feel. is EXACTLY how I felt when people attacked me.
He's obviously not going to change his mind about marrying this woman. You know that. So why continue to bitch and push?
Quote:
to a nosy, presumptuous and intrusive busybody
Nope. Just stating my opinion like I'm allowed to.

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4

He's obviously not going to change his mind about marrying this woman. You know that. So why continue to bitch and push?

Nope. Just stating my opinion like I'm allowed to.

Actually I had stepped out of contributing to this conversation until your post directed at me which was so obviously requiring of a response. I don't know who you think you are, but there is a world of difference between opining and instructing, and you needn't bother ever instructing me how to structure my posts again, unless you're looking to be promptly told to fuckoff.

then maybe YOU should direct YOURSELF to the thread "how to treat new members"

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4Did you get that PM i sent you? Responses from the "other" bulletin board that you linked:- I have a friend who is gay. He was happily married for 40 years and rasied two daughters, before his wife passed away from illness.He has told me that he NEVER once cheated on his wife. That is commitment. I believe there are a great many men who may harbor some gay/bi attractions. But each man is an individual and you cannot predict the outcome.I also believe most men fall somewhere on the gay/straight continuum. It IS possible to be gay and love a woman and have a successful marriage. Isn't hoosier a good example? I think you are really stressing about this. I agree with other posters who state you need to hightail it to a counselor. A GOOD marriage counselor, not just some well-meaning church friend. And hopefully not some homophobic counselor.Good luck with your marriage.- With this kind of thinking, "it might not work, so lets not put our all into it", a marriage very likely does have a chance of falling apart. I don't know your situation, but I'd say, love each other, give your all to each other, be happy, and don't worry!- Well, blue, I read that thread too and felt most of the posters did not respect the fact that he had already made his decision to be married. Many just kept insinuating the marriage couldn't work, which IMHO is patently untrue.- I was married for five years, together with my wife for eight. We divorced about five years ago.I can tell you that I loved (still love) my (now ex-) wife very much. She was more than a good friend. In trying to do what was right by my family and what I beleived at the time to be right by God I made a serious misjudgement in my own ability. I can tell you that I left the marriage when the emotional turmoil ate away at me and I could no longer deal. It created a lot of pain for her and me. Pain for our families, etc. Now, I have been a member of a community of currently/former married gay men and fathers. Most of us agree that it is difficult to maintain a marriage with a woman. You see, being gay is not just about sex. It is about everything that a hetero man feels for a woman in his life. Even the men who were staying in their marriage admitted how hard it was (and not to scare you, but most of them "slipped up" from time to time).Please, PLEASE see a licensed marriage counseler about this issue. That is the ONLY way to figure out if this will work. A marriage out of a sense of responsiblity, duty, or religion is really no marriage at all.Good Luck and know that no matter what, life always works out.- I won't play soothsayer and predict your marriage won't work. What I will say is you can't stop being gay. You can stop acting on it and denying who you are I suppose. The human mind is capable of great things. You two may be together for 80 years, have children and grandchildren and so on...Now of course, this is true of straight marriages as well. There are people who marry but may still harbor a flame for someone else or feel they needed to marry and took the first thing that came along. You get the point. ... etc.- If the gay man is conforming to his religion (but I rather say God) to fit in and is struggling with his attraction to men, but wants to serve his God by doing right by getting married to a women, then I have respect for him for several reasons:1.He knows that fornication is wrong and that any sex outside of a heterosexual marriage means that he is commiting sin.2. Instead of him being carnal by giving in the the lust of his flesh and his sexual urge to be with a man, he has denied himself, taking up his cross to serve God by being a living sacrifice.3. Because if he is a fornicator, idolater, adulterer, thief, covetor, drunkard, revilers, or extortioner, he understands that he no longer can engage in those sins if he wants to inherit the kingdom of God.Marriage is no fairy tale. It would be nice to have a mate that ONLY lusts after you and ONLY desires to be with you. But unfortunately with sex thrown at many men on billboards and throuth the media, for some men the temptation to stray will and does happen.... etc.And here's one which I found truly perplexing:- The gender to which a person is attracted is not as important as the way he or she treats that person.

>>>"The exact strategy he is planning has driven women (God alone knows how many of them) to suicide - have a quick look round the net and provide yourself with some facts."

I can guarantee it's not nearly as many as the number of gay men that have offed themselves because of the demands society places on them.

.... there is no point in this pissing contest. Men, women, children, families there all victims of these same societal prejudices. The fact is this time it's the man here reaching out for help trying to do his best with what his upbringing and beliefs have equipped him with, within what his society deems acceptable.

The only important thing, and the only thing we have any way of addressing, is helping a gay man find his way in a straight society that condemns anything homosexual.

Is it right that any society or religion does such a thing to it's members, I don't think so. But, that's not the issue at hand. The important thing, right now, is that this man has a place to come and be heard and feel safe airing his problems.

He doesn't need another place berating him right now. He may not feel like that's what's been happening to him, that's just my call.

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4

then maybe YOU should direct YOURSELF to the thread "how to treat new members"

pinkranger4: please ignore her.

theres another side here eddie.I wouldnt help him to fuck over his will be wife, but after it became apparent he was set on marriage I stopped the bitching and started trying to find a way to convince him to seek medical help, someone whos not against being gay with a passion from christ, someone wo can help him work shit out in his head, That honestly is the problem here, whats in his head, its what eats at him, its what keeps pushing. or at the very least to find a woman who is willing to deal with his being gay rather than just lie and take the first one you talk into marring you.Iv never changed my stance that its wrong to marry someone you dont love, I never pulled a mit romney, im jsut trying to find a new solution to a very real problem this guy is suffering from.You know better than most here that being gay is a real bitch in this world, add to that that he has it in his head that it makes him bad, Im sure you can see its a real bastard problem for him to tackle. He is at least trying to deal with it, hes seeking help and the least anyone could do is try to offer solutions to him finding that help. Noone said you have to help him lie to the future wife about who he is, you can still help him with out shitting on him and making him feel worse. after hsi last post I responded to Im not even sure we are dealing with teh right problem, hes not sure hes gay, he has some shit in his head to work out. The problem we are all screaming at him for may not even be th root of whats making him feel so shitty.Im still waiting for him to reply to what I asked, its possible he isnt even fucking gay just having some curious thoughts about it and wondering if he is. All the shit is not on teh table, I know less now than i did when he first posted.No one said anyone has to help him to lie, but fuck oh dear is it that hard to share some compassion with him and talk to him like a person? with this shit in his head hes been fucking kicked enough.You and your BF are certain your gay, his earlire post he comes off more like someone who thinks he might be, whos feeling attraction to men but never acted on it and isnt sure he would if he was free to do so.WHen your BF (sorry I cant for the fucking life of me remember his name, but adam is whats sticking out) told his parents and they blew batshit over it? Noone kicked you two over it, people offered support, aside form one asshole who was happy to have his family shit on him when he admitted to being gay) We didnt kick you two, we kicked the asshole that offered criticism of your life. Its not like the guy is asking how to molest children or some fucking horror like that, hes trying to find himself, and figure out what to do and how it all fits in to what he wants out of his life. He isnt out to purposely hurt the woman, hes asking how to make it easier on her, hes not here with malice in his fucking heart.If no one can condone helping him to lie, they could at least offer some constructive advice on how to deal with what he feels as thats really whats at the root of his problem.  Quote:I'm sorry he felt he was going to hear people actually tell him how to lie and deceive this woman... but just not going to happen. No one is asking you to do that, you can help with out shitting on your own values and "people actually tell him how to lie and deceive this woman"

Did those other forums advice and such help you at all??

I guess the replies on those forums are ALOT different and ALOT more helpful then the rude, hurtful debating replies you got here?

Do you feel attacked??

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4Did those other forums advice and such help you at all??I guess the replies on those forums are ALOT different and ALOT more helpful then the rude, hurtful debating replies you got here?Do you feel attacked?? Yes, they are a lot more objective and compassionate than the replies here, but I must say that there's a few people here that I truly admire and whose friendship I am happy to have made.I do not feel attacked, per se, because I know where those attackers come from. They have a different frame of reference and outlook on life which I do not really care for and would not even trade my position with theirs, as desperate as mine seems to be.

From what I could tell, that other site gave you the same responses that you received here. In the end, you're still cheating the other person.

i don't see how you view the responses to be the same.in any case, here are the responses that got me thinking:- I'm not sure what difference it makes if he is/was gay or not? He has promised fidelity. I don't think the risk of him cheating... with a man is any higher than the chance of a hetero man cheating [with a woman]. It's a risk we all take when we marry. If he is a devout ... and holds the ... values highly then hopefully he will take his marriage vows seriously and never cheat.- If the gay man is conforming to his religion (but I rather say God) to fit in and is struggling with his attraction to men, but wants to serve his God by doing right by getting married to a women, then I have respect for him for several reasons:1.He knows that fornication is wrong and that any sex outside of a heterosexual marriage means that he is commiting sin.2. Instead of him being carnal by giving in the the lust of his flesh and his sexual urge to be with a man, he has denied himself, taking up his cross to serve God by being a living sacrifice.3. Because if he is a fornicator, idolater, adulterer, thief, covetor, drunkard, revilers, or extortioner, he understands that he no longer can engage in those sins if he wants to inherit the kingdom of God.Marriage is no fairy tale. It would be nice to have a mate that ONLY lusts after you and ONLY desires to be with you. But unfortunately with sex thrown at many men on billboards and throuth the media, for some men the temptation to stray will and does happen.... etc.- The gender to which a person is attracted is not as important as the way he or she treats that person.

Quote: - The gender to which a person is attracted is not as important as the way he or she treats that person.How do you read that?I read it as it doesnt matter if your gay or straight, what matters is how you treat your lover.To me that says honesty and respect.How do you read that?