Apology

---

Maybe thats because you are different on here then in real life?Less reserved and more willing to let the real you come thru instead of the masks you wear and the persona you put on to keep people from getting too close and avoiding the risk of being hurt?maybe not,just a guess based on what I have found thru meeting so many people from online in the past but its something you may want to think about, see if it fits and then decide what to do to change it if it does apply.

Yeah that is me. If you saw me you would never pin point that to me, but to my good friends I am this way, maybe not so emotional but I am very willing to help and such. If you saw me you would think some stupid rebel kid that is just trying to act cool. While I admit I like showing off my Jeep I do it b/c it is fun, and cruising down the road listening to some Metallica is just f'ing awesome.

and I will never argue against doing just that.Iv been listening to Metallica since the early 80's, fucking 40 year old hessians is what they are now.jesus early 80's ? Can that be right ?? fuck now I just feel old.anyways, maybe let some of the genuine you shine thru, never give it all away all at once but relax a bit. Cruise thru town with some SRV turned up.you like jazz and blues right?go with that, instead of being a asshole rebel all the time (Im nearly 35 and Im still the asshole rebel when I can get away with it) crank up some John Lee Hooker, if you cant go totally public with the blues fcrank up some R.L. Burnside, ass pocket of whiskey should fit the bill, electrified blues is how its most often reffered to.I have been into alot of Pink Floyd lately myself, that always mellows me out when Im on a rampage.Just relax a bit, if people are alway having to be on the defensive around you they never get to know who you are and what kin of person you can be instead of just who you want the world to see.

oh yeah I do that too. I get really weird looks blaring some blues or classical. I mean a lifted car with some 20 yeard old in it and you hear blues/jazz/classical. What is really different is the way I act. I am not emotional around people, never have been.

I mean I know I can be an awesome person to people, but no one ever gets close enough or is it I never let them close. I mean I know 90% of the people I meet would get a long with me. Hell I was the one guy in high school that could be friendly with nearly everyone and no one getting angry, except the scraps.

Your too young to remember but there used to be a commercial on tv, Robert Blake with a battery on his shoulder daring people to knock it off.
I am telling you from experience, dont be a robert blake.
let the defenses down a bit and let some people get in close.
You have to be tough, I udnerstand that because if people start thinking your a puss its only going to get worse for you. But you do not have to be the bad ass tough guy all the time.
I dont know if it makes any sense to you but it sure sounds like thats how you are, always witha battery on your shoulder daring anyone to knock it off. I wouldnt turn into a big emotional girl or anything, but relax and be more of the real you instead of keeping everyone at two arm lengths.

But how do I do that?

For me, I had to relax some, OK alot not just a little but alt of relaxing. I had to trust more people, at least on small things instead of always assuming the worst of everyone.I don't go around blubbering and in most places that i am known I'm still known as a bad ass bad boy or what ever you care to call it. I just stopped being on the attack all the time.Alto of that came form being with my current GF.I used to go to a party and it was a guarantee that I was going to be in a fight, a bar meant a chance to fight alot of people instead of just one or two. I calmed down alot from her, Iv had friends, good friends thank her for putting up with my shit and calming me down so that I wasn't always trying to start a fight.Fuck my parents thanked her and told her what a difference she made in me and that I wasn't nearly the ornery bastard that I was before.Alot of mine developed because of a girl i was involve with that shit on me and after that I went on a whoring rampage nailing every broad I could get my dick into. I didn't trust any of them and I made certain they were all one night stands or 2 or 3 nights at the most.I don't believe it is her that is responsible for my complete change. She did contribute to it though.You have to find a way to accept people and show some trust, let people that you care about know you care about them. If you can get past your own mental block people start wanting to be around you that gives you the opportunity to meet more people and that means more women and as you gain confidence in yourself and realize that not everyone is a bastard who needs to be hit, more and more girls start finding you attractive and want to be with you.Of course they also love a bad boy and chics dig scars.When I was being the bad boy all the time I got girls but of a much lesser caliber then I have now.She tricked me, I wasn't looking for a relationship and was trying to avoid one i don't know how she got me to stay but Iv never regretted it.

Yeah I will just have to figure where to start. I mean I really am drawing a blank. I mean in my music class I have opened up. I talk to everyone and people are learning to trust me in return. I am a big teddy bear, but I can maul people too.

Yeah I got some scars from hiking, cooking, dicking around with knives...would have been cool to get a scar on my stomach from when i slived it open with an axe....remember never throw a sharp axe in the air and see how many times you can make it spin before you catch it...it caught me... :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

Been there done that, Throw in all the fights and 4 motor cycle wrecks plus all my hard earned stupidity scars from thinking I could jump over something (7 garbage cans on my bike as a kid was my record, 8 was just too many) and all the falls Iv taken climbing and Iv got more then a few scars to show off not to mention all the tattoos.You got it right though, your starting in music class, just start sliding that attitude over to the rest of your life. a bit here a bit there and soon enough you will start being you all the time.

that sounds dangerous. The real me is also 100000 times more agressive than the self I I am now. I will put a hole in someones face if I feel the need. I guess I could control that. I am also more agressive in other things...so double edged problem.

Thats bullshit.
Think about what you stated there and what you stated earlier and even several times in many different threads.
Your aggressive because your pissed about things beyond your control. If you find a way to deal with that aggression by channeling it into other things and learning to adapt to what you can not control then the whole anger problem goes away.
noone is a angry aggressive asshole because its just who they are, there is always something behind it.
Think about it, if you could find a way to more effectively deal with the shit that bothers you then you would have less stress over all of it, less stress means less anger and leaves your mind free to be who you are instead of who you became.
trust me I know about this one.
I quit boxing, not by choice, I was forced out and I had no place to channel all mt pent up frustrations an anger so i got to be more of a dick all the time instead of who I really was meant to be, that went away alot when I got into climbing, a good climb leaves me high, 100% pumped and scared and tired. Its not a team sport its an individual challenge its me and the rock or the ice its all about how I feel and what I developed in my ability, there is a guy holding the other end of my rope who keeps me from taking a ground fall but what happens is all up to me, the gear placement, the way the rope is laid out so that it never runs across an edge that can cut it, the always back clipped to front side so it doesn't unclipp when its stressed the knots the everything and my ability to hang on by my fingernails and standing on a flake as thick as a dime taking a smear from my heel, how much beta I gathered before starting a climb and even better is to onsite a climb.
all of that takes away all my stress, I don't do it as much as I would like to do but I do it enough to know I'm a climber and that I can not go back to a totally horizontal world.
That is my stress reduction. I don't know that its what would do it for you but try finding something that you can space out on and challenge only yourself.
It works for me at least, maybe its worth a try for you.

I could not do that I am afraid of heights, but I did conqure it somewhat and i go on cooasters now...i like to work on my jeep, but that takes a lot of money./.

Wow, I havnt a clue whats happened.

Jon I truly think you are a good guy who just seems to wear your emotions on your sleeve.With me personally there's nothing to really apologize for, we both expressed our opinions and that's it.I know the person you speak of that you attacked through PM and I hope you two can work it out.Take care bud.

Mr. Walken, I am back. You seem to be a nice guy and all, but were you sleeping with my wife last weekend? (LOL)