CANT TAKE THIS!

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My girl's ex bf's are total dicks to her, they killed her self esteem, she cant see how perfect she really is because of them...I don't want to get into details because I'm so close to doing something stupid!I don't get it!!!! The girl who took advantage of her is on her top friends on myspace, and they talk. She told me that it was the biggest mistake of her life... She was fucking 13 at the time and he was 19... I'm so fucking close to doing something stupid... something I wont regret.. but def stupid! I cant even look at her the same way.. This guy pressured her into letting him finger her, when she said stop because she was bleeding too much, and the pain was too immense, he put 3 fingers in, as opposed to 1.He lives in Chicago, and he's coming down next month, his sister Diana is my girl's best friend, but I dont fucking get it!! if she regrets it, and he faked loving her just to finger her, why the FUCK does she still talk to him. I swear to god when this guy gets down here to Vegas we are going to have some problems... It's just a matter of fucking time before I break down and say it's over. Tonight just killed all my feelings for her. And NOW today.. she wants to have sex with me, it's her first time, and I don't feel right taking her virginity, I'll feel like someone else has fucked my girl... Against her will... BTW Sorry if I made the story sound like she let him, she didnt at all! He forced her too, he said she'd like it, but she didnt. I asked her how long he fingered her for, and she said she didnt know, all she could remember was pain.I'm so close to losing it. It's hard to imagine a girl who just turned 13, getting that from a 19 year old. She was young and didnt have her shit straight, he did. I'm going to have a lot of problems with this guy, but whatever. I'll take them ask they come... FUCK!!

Motherfucker just messaged me on myspace asking "who's are you?"Wow, I'm so pissed off right now!

First thing I want to say: Myspace drama is retarted
So let me get this straight: The girl you like(d) is 13, the guy coming down to visit is 19, and his sister is best friends with the 13 year old girl. He "forced" (I doubt if that's even possible) her to let him finger her... yeah.
And then I read that you killed all your feelings toward her (you say you did that, but I know from personal experience that you can't just kill feelings for someone you like just like that) ... basically saying you don't (want to) like her? I'm confused, why did you do this?
How old are you? If you're 13/14/15, don't mess with this guy. He's 19, he's going to whoop your ass (I don't care how pissed you are at this guy, he is going to whoop your ass if he wants to).
I really don't know if you're asking for advice or what you're asking. =/

Wait, wait, wait. I'm fucking confused. Let me see if I've got this straight.... Some guy molested a 13 year old girl by forcibly fingering her.... She says it was against her will.... She now wants to have sex with the guy that molested her.... You don't want her anymore because she's damaged goods or something. Presumably because he got his fingers there before you?... You wanna thump this guy, why? Because he took away your girls special virgin hole or something... not because he molested her.... So all in all you wanna dump her and thump him over her who you don't think you even want any longer.Now I've confused myself. Please clarify what the fuck your talking about. Short of that, take searchings advice, if your 13 or 15 don't go tryin' to beat this 19 or 20 year old guy. You'll get your dick knocked in the dirt.

Quote:She now wants to have sex with the guy that molested her.she wants to have sex with the guy that posted. (i think i read it right)  Quote:... You don't want her anymore because she's damaged goods or something. Presumably because he got his fingers there before you? that's wut it sounds like to me. i'm damaged goods..... i wonder every day wtf my gf see's in me. when u tell some people ur deepest darkest secrets....they don't see u the same anymore. I’m going to throw this out cuz….well I;m confused. Are u mad at her and want to dump her cuz she is still dealing with this guy (and his sis) or is it cuz he forced her? The sister (ur girl’s friend) can’t really help wut her bro did to her. Unless there is more to it that wut u posted.

Okay, that helps clear the shit a little. Thanks Caleb I think I've got it now.

To the OP, basically the problem is you don't like the fact that your lady still talks to this guy. Is that it? And, the fact that she still talks to him makes you want to break it off with her and thump him.

A few questions.
How old are you now? How long ago did this happen? How does she talk to him? Is it like some one would talk to their best friends' brother or is it flirty talking? Do you think your rational enough about the situation to tell the difference? Do you think she would take the opportunity to get with this guy again if she could, especially since what happened wasn't consensual?

As for your problem with the fact that somebody else has already touched your girls holiest of holies well you better get used to it. As time goes on it will be less and less likely that you'll be any given persons first and only. The past is the past and there's nothing anyone can do to change it and as long as it stays back there does it really matter.

What matters is now.

he has another post... it kinda helped me figure out this one better... lol it answer's the age question too. but i forgot wut i read..... by his other post (i just read) he sounds liek he really likes her. i htink he;s just pissed cuz she's still talking to the jerk. (this is my thinking tho)

Originally Posted By: CR125

i'm damaged goods..... i wonder every day wtf my gf see's in me. when u tell some people ur deepest darkest secrets....they don't see u the same anymore.

Speaking for myself, we're all damaged goods to some degree... at least everybody I've ever met. We all have baggage, issues and something in the past we would like to move beyond. As far as people seeing you differently, I would tend to agree that they do. That's not always a bad thing though.

In trying to use the most generic example possible, a member of this board and I had a disagreement about a poster that had a revelation about a serious problem. Our disagreement was about as violent as either of us tend to get on this board. Through PMs we revealed to each other stuff about our pasts that we (or at least I) did care for the rest of the member here to know about. Through that revelation I think both of us came away with a better understanding of why each other held the views they did and why they saw the same problem so differently. While we ultimately still didn't agree, I think, we were closer letting our deepest darkest secrets out to one another. Before that I probably would have just called the guy, I was arguing with, an acquaintance now I think of him as a friend. So something good came out of that revelation.

The point of all that shit was that sometimes revelations lead to understanding and sometimes it's a good thing that people no longer see you in the same way. Sometimes it's appropriate to let those deepest darkest things go, it can be cathartic for you and may bring some one you didn't expect closer to you.

Lifes hard enough without trying to be someone your not to those people that matter the most to you.

Quote:Speaking for myself, we're all damaged goods to some degree... at least everybody I've ever met. We all have baggage, issues and something in the past we would like to move beyond. As far as people seeing you differently, I would tend to agree that they do. That's not always a bad thing though. Quoted for truth. Everybody has baggage or skeletons in the closet, whatever. If this happened recently (like the last few weeks), call the cops. If it happened a while ago there's nothing you can do. Calm down, grow up. A friend of mine from highschool faced a similar situation. He went to beat a guy who raped his girl and ended up getting jumped by a few of the guy's friends. 6 months later he was still getting reconstructive surgery to his hand and face. All because he couldn't control his temper and think logically.

SO let me get this straight.The idea I got wasHe "violated her"She still wants to talk to him despite his "molestation" of her.This is pissing you off because some girl is holding it over your gfs head.And your pissed because she is stupid enough to still talk to him after all this.If What I have said is correct then just walk away now. Causeo odds are your never going to be able to give her the help she needs.

Originally Posted By: NnySO let me get this straight.The idea I got wasHe "violated her"She still wants to talk to him despite his "molestation" of her.This is pissing you off because some girl is holding it over your gfs head.And your pissed because she is stupid enough to still talk to him after all this.If What I have said is correct then just walk away now. Causeo odds are your never going to be able to give her the help she needs. 'you have it correct.I don't want to leave her though. Right now she has me on the phone 3-way calling with her ex, diff one.. and she told em to mute my phone, so I did, and he's being a dick, I'm about to go over to his house at this point...

Have you sat down and talk to her, one on one, and asked her why she's doing all this? It's obviously making you crazy, so how does she feel about that?

Look dude if that story is in any way true.. My advice is bail out now.If She had any common sense she would have never spoken to him again.And no offence dude.. but, she isn't worth it. I don't want to float myself up or give myself more credit then I deserve however, If I like someone and they like me and I think the relationship has any shot in hell of working then I'm in it for the long haul.You can read some of my past threads about my ex if you doubt me. However, I do know when to draw the line. Take it from me man... I will bend over backwards to make relationships work but, I wouldn't touch that one.I was in a similar position not long ago..I liked a girl and I think she liked me.. problem is she liked a druggie. I talked to her about it. twice. After that I said "its her life".There is nothing wrong with trying. but, when the evidence is clear someone isn't going to change.. then its not worth trying to change them. Odds are anything I say isn't going to change your mind if your already preset on it. Infact I would go so far to say that if you are determined enough then your just coming to us for concent to say "yeah beat the shit out of that mother fucker".However, in the event your not and your truely here for advice... then realise this odds are your girlfriend has already made up in her mind what she wants. Whether she realises it or not. And your not going to change her. She is going to get hurt and she is doing it to herself.How do I know? because I have been there. chased a girl for a year who let me lead myself on. And I just had it preset in my mind it was ment to be nothing anyone could say would talk sense into me. I had to deal with the girl who had it in her mind the druggie was the one she was ment for and that she would change him. I don't think she has yet.The simple fact of the matter is.. she is gunna get hurt. You can't stop it. And if she comes to you.. its probably going to be after she gets hurt and its going to be odd because you told her it would happen and she didn't listen.I'm a pretty understanding guy.. however, I'm not going out of my way to stop people from hurting themselves again. I might talk with em a couple times.. but, after that it really is pointless.If she was sick? I'd be there for her. Hurt? I'd help her. There is nothign wrong with being there for people. I want to be able to be there for my friends and my more intimate relationships. However, when people make up their mind.. they will justify what they are doing in their head some way.. some how its going to seem right to them one way or another.. they will ALWAYS have an excuse a reason. No matter how twisted and warped it is.. it will make perfect sense to them.Odds are your girlfriend is like that and she won't change. Nothing you can do. Sorry to say it. But, please man Bail out now. I have way too much experience with that kinda stuff first hand.

One thing i have to say is dont go try to fight that 20 year old or w.e he is. Ppl are nuts now days he could pull a knife or something, and chances are he will whoop ur ass so what if u get seriously injured? Its not worth it for a girl like the one ur describing, tbh she sounds like a typical idiot teenager, sorry to be harsh.

she seems to be a drama queen.why in the hell would she have you muted on a three way call to her ex??? is she testing you to see if you will try and fight them or what???? thats so freaking STUPID! she needs to grow up.

kinda sounds to me that shes getting some kind of kick watching you squirm.I could be wrong, as I dont know either of you. But girls (and guys) can be very manipulative, and she may be testing who will go the furthest for you.Keep us posted.But do not go after this dude, unless you have some friends who could be a problem for you.Still not great advice...but ah i tried

Originally Posted By: Megadeth90One thing i have to say is dont go try to fight that 20 year old or w.e he is. Ppl are nuts now days he could pull a knife or something, and chances are he will whoop ur ass so what if u get seriously injured? Its not worth it for a girl like the one ur describing, tbh she sounds like a typical idiot teenager, sorry to be harsh. It's all good, you weren't being harsh, but I know I could take this dude, no prob.Well, everything is fine.. Last night we argued about it, I told her I hate how she talks to her ex's still, and we got into it, because of a miss-conception of words over the phone. But we worked it out, today she came over and we were awesome. It went awesome too!! =]She is giving up on talking to her ex's. She's stopping for me, because she doesn't want to lose me, or see me hurt.Okay, the 19 year old dude Alex, I'm fine with him, what happened... happened. She told me that he pressured her, but didn't MAKE her, he just kept asking her, and asking her until she finally said yes.But... As far as Collin goes, the guy who I was on the phone with 3-way calling when I was on mute..he has no right to talk to my girl that way, or my best friend Ariana. HE is going to get his ass whooped when he comes back from Texas, I had problems with him in the beginning of the school year, and he wanted to fight me, but he backed down... After that, he tried to become friends with me, and I went with ti, and I had no problems with him, until the phone call... I even put aside what he did to my girl when they were dating. After the first day he went down on her with his hand, then cheated on her the same day! =/ But Collin... Oh damn.. he's pretty fucked!

Just came across a similar situation: Good guy, bad girl, and crackhead exboyfriend. Bad girl messes around with crackhead while good guy is at work. Friends and family all advise good guy to get out while he still can, but he thinks he can change bad girl. One night bad girl lets crackhead into the house after good guy is asleep.Good guy is shot dead in his sleep and crackhead is headed to prison. Good guy's family is devastated. The story usually always ends this way.

Originally Posted By: readytogoJust came across a similar situation: Good guy, bad girl, and crackhead exboyfriend. Bad girl messes around with crackhead while good guy is at work. Friends and family all advise good guy to get out while he still can, but he thinks he can change bad girl. One night bad girl lets crackhead into the house after good guy is asleep.Good guy is shot dead in his sleep and crackhead is headed to prison. Good guy's family is devastated. The story usually always ends this way. Wow! Well, the only thing is I trust her, the only mistake she was doing was not saying no.She is such an amazing person, and for once a girl cared about me, I can't just get out of this. It's human nature to not want to hear about past encounters with someone you love I care about her too much to rid myself of her, and she cares too much about me to just go on her path, and not give two shits about my feelings.it's just the whole past experiences should have STAYED in the past, correct?

withmyheart,I work with a nephew of the guy who was killed and I mentioned to him today about this thread. The nephew immediately asked if I was able to talk directly to you, but I explained that this is an anonymous bulletin board. He said, "Well tell him to get away from her". And so I am.She can't help what was done to her, but to continue to interact with the pervert indicates that she's not entirely unhappy with what happened. Until she'll break those chains, I'm afraid that I would have to counsel you that you're too good for her. Find a girl who will appreciate a good guy. There are many out there.