Am I stupid or what?

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So, as many of you "old timers" know, I've been separated for about 2 1/2 years now. Hell, we all worked through it together Now there are varying views on getting over a relationship. Some say it takes half as long as the length of the relationship, etc, whatever. I have no idea but i think that the fact that it disolution of the relationship was not my choice may mean that I'm forced to deal with it a little longer. And my wife was the love of my life.I've dated, had a few relationships. I've been far from selabit. I've also pretty much just kept my self distracted from worrying what she might be up to. That is until now. She sent me a note asking if I could take my son for an extra day this weekend as she will be out of town. I nievely hoped she might be reconnecting with some of her astranged family. But no. My lad said "yeah, she's going to see someone... ummm can't remember... strats with a 'J'... in America"yep, that's him... the teenager, the internet love affair that was the final nail in our coffin.I have no idea if ether of them has travelled for a meeting yet but now, it's been brought to my attention. He'll be 19 or 20 now, my ex is 39. It aint illegal but it's still a little creepy.besides, now that I know, I have to keep busy as hell this weekend just to avoid sitting and dwelling... "Hmmm, I know what she is doing right now" etc.maybe I should be happy because she has maintained a single relationship in the same time I've ploughed through a dozen or so. But I'm notI feel anxious and upset and like I should do something about it. But there's nothing to do and certainly nothing to achieve.So, am I stupid? It sure feels that way.

what?

you heard me (or was that the answer to the question?)

That my evil Canadian counterpart, was the answer to the question, am I stupid or what?I dont think your stupid, just a bit fucked up.I got nothing to say to you on this subject, atleast nothing springs to mind to help, so I simply said what? atleast I wasnt calling ya stupid, but I just had nothing positive to say that could help. I may later, I dunno, depends on what creeps into my mind that is more than just take the kid, and boot her in the pooter!

I don't think it's stupid at all. It's completely understandable especially since you were not the one who screwed up the marriage. There is sure to be a lot of resentment for a long time to come. I have no other suggestions except to say that your emotions are not unusual.

to both you and sdp, I too expect there is no great advice to be given. Like so often in life, it's just another stretch of rough road to be navigated. I can say though, that in the time since I found out about the trip, I have relaxed a bit from my initial reaction so that must be a good sign.Time heals all but I'm damn impatient!  Quote:my evil Canadian counterpart hmm, I like that

eh I figure you an I are a lot alike, the music, the age, the bikes, close thoughts on a lot of shit, and someplace in canada there has to be an misguided fuck up with a evil vain in them, I just assume its you, making you my counterpart in another country.

well sir I am honoured and I will do my best to do my duty to keep the faith!

I think that makes you the brother of hte pope of the odd church of unsupervised!
Im not sure what else that makes you since your also the founder and namesake?

That sucks. SDP is right though, it's completely normal and understandable to feel that way.She's still a bitch though. Sorry, I had to say it.

The real question is how your son is taking it. How old is he and what is the extent of his understanding of what's going on and how is he reacting to it? How is it going to affect him in the long term if he determines his mom ran away with a lad close to his age?I feel that you should direct your energy/emotions/rage toward reassuring your son, creating a stronger bond between you two, and filling that void in his heart. Or, he may be marred for life, God Forbid! As far as I am concerned, she's history to you, but if you truly loved her, hey, your son is that only part of her that is your future with her.

huggles Mr. U I wouldn't say she's maintained a single relationship, so much as a single fantasy. ANYWAY!You are not stupid, you are the awesome much loved Mr. U, and I'm not going to go into the classic spiel about how you shouldn't feel upset, or anxious because you're great, and people evolve out of relationships at different rates as others, but when it comes right down to it darlin', if you're feeling bad about it, change it up. see if you can get some time off work this summer and go cross country with your Mini mr. U, or just mix up what you've been doing. A lot of the time, just doing something a little different is a load off of stress.

good points JaseI've kept a close eye on my son right from the start (he's now 10). He's has done a faily good job of taking things in stride and he an i are very close. He's always eager to see me and reluctant to go back to her.As far as understanding this particular situation, I think he just assumes this other kid is a friend, nothing more. Personally, I've kept him pretty well removed from my dating life. He's only met a couple of the women who have passed through my life. Also, it's nothing new to him to see dad hugging someone, I hug everyone. (and it totally grosses him out lol)He is my world and my saving grace.

Originally Posted By: Java_Addicthuggles Mr. U see if you can get some time off work this summer and go cross country with your Mini mr. U, or just mix up what you've been doing. A lot of the time, just doing something a little different is a load off of stress. thanks honthe work sistuation is another stresser at the moment... as in there isn't any.but yes, I do take spawn of unsupervised for a few weeks every year. If I can get my shit together and back in the right finacial position, The lad and I will be doing a bit of mototrcycle riding this summer

LMMFAO!When she said mini mr u, I was thinking a cross country, maybe 2 country's, sexcapade of sluts, skanks, whores and trash! maybe end it with a trip to ohio!I wasnt thinking about at rip with your son, I was thinking a a trip for you and your dick.I apologize to your son, my dick didnt consider him as mini mr U, I only thought solo trip of decadence and depravity!

snickers you know, after i posted that i thought about changing it just because i knew that'd be what you thought i meant.Poor Spawn of Mr. U.

Originally Posted By: unsupervisedHe is my world and my saving grace. i pray that one day i'll be able to say the same.

lolyes, those would deffinatly be to very separate road trips, both with their own merrits...one, wholsome and heart warming, the other dirty and sweaty

hey, either one of them sounds like one hell of an idea!Every summer I take my middle kid backpacking for 4 ays for the same reasons, Id take the oldest as well, but he doesnt want to go, hes a bit lazier and his diabetes fucks up being 40 miles from a road and no phone service. he cant put on a 70 pbs pack either and walk forced for 14 hours daily either.ONe day I hope he changes his mind and comes along, this year iM taking my step son with us as well

Perhaps you could use both as well :P@Grav: One of these days, you have to make your way to the frozen waste land, it's gorgeous and you'll be in Mountain Heaven.