Could things get any worse?

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I'm new to this online forum. I have so much crap going on and don't know where to begin. Let me start off by introducing myself...I'm 26 years old, and have struggled living with anxiety & depression for about 5 years now. I've seen my family physician several times over those years and am currently on medication to help with my anxiety & depression, which I really don't notice it helping much. I'm currently stuck living back at home and I have no girlfriend and have never really had one. Nobody has ever taken much interest in me; I never went to prom and didn't start dating till my mid 20's. This was not by choice but by circumstance. I didn't have my first kiss till I was 24, didn't hold hands or cuddle with a girl till I was 25 and have recently lost my virginity at age 26. I also have ED (Erectile Dysfunction), which really worries me. No matter how hard I try I can't maintain an erection without taking prescribed 50mg Viagra, even then I still struggle to maintain an erection at age 26. I've tried putting myself out there more, joined online dating sites and years later, I've still had no luck I'm definitely not an ugly looking guy. I do however look really young for my age and am often mistaken for 18 or younger. I am pretty thin, 6'2" and only weigh 145lbs and still can't grow any decent facial hair. I have absolutely no friends what so ever, I've never fit in anywhere. I thought when I went back to college in my mid 20's that I would come across more mature people who wouldn't judge me so much but I was wrong. People called me a loser, they said I have no style, and you're obviously a 25-year-old virgin which really hurt. A former friend of mine which I've known for over 21 years doesn't bother with me anymore since he found a girlfriend. It hurts a lot when my siblings, cousins, and 90% of people I know who have children, are married, engaged, or are in a serious relationship when they were my age or younger. Yet I'm not even desirable enough to even get a date for the night. I have no family support. My siblings and everyone else do not bother with me because they have their own families and own lives. My parents split up/divorced when I was 10, my mom still treats me like I'm 16. I don't have a father, just a donor, he doesn't give a shit about whether I live or die, he never bothers with me. I haven't seen him since my grandmothers (his mothers) funeral which was 6 or 7 years ago. I currently work 12 & 13 hours night shifts at a group home which is really not in my field of study. (I studied social work) I pretty much work alone at night with my clients then come home to get a few hours of sleep if I'm lucky because I also have insomnia. I don't have a normal social life as I've mentioned and have not went out to do anything fun for months now, (almost a year to be exact) My brother used to hang out with me and include me in stuff but hasn't bothered with me for a year even though I ask him, he just says he's too busy and just hangs out with his wife or few close friends instead. To top it all off, my only & best friend ever (my cat that I've had for 10 1/2 years has just started bleeding from her mouth and has been diagnosed with mouth cancer and only has about 6 months to live, which means I won't even have her anymore. I don't know what the hell to do? I feel like I’m cursed. I've tried talking to counsellors and other professionals as well as crisis/help lines but they have been absolutely no help to me and do not empathize or understand where I'm coming from and what I'm going through. The best way to describe what I’m going through is basically hell, turmoil, and pure cold & darkness with no light and nowhere/nobody to turn to. I'm so alone in life and feel really behind my age. I just want to be happy with my life while I see others my age and younger that are in happy, long-term relationships and have somebody to cuddle with; a shoulder to lean/cry on and I have nobody and am not getting any younger either. I really feel like an absolute failure in life and feel like life is passing me by. I don't know what I'll do when my cat passes away, I think I'll just end up losing it because then I'll have absolutely nobody except for other people saying I'm crazy. Where can I turn to because I've absolutely had it and totally give up???

Welcome to A2A, Lonelyguy. You have been given a really tough road to walk. Often all that can be done is to endure. Endurance is a very important virtue - it is so often the best that can be done, and it is a big achievement. It is the only way to get through the darkness to the light far ahead that is not only invisible, but often unbelievable.Try not to worry about being 'behind your age'. Life isn't a race; and if your body and mind are young for their age you will get more years out of it anyway. But it is a problem when everyone else is pairing up. This is a difficulty for everyone who stays single longer than his friends and it is very lonely. Perhaps the only answer is to make new friends who are more similar to you (not easy, I know).It would probably be worth having your hormone levels checked out. People might assume that the anxiety and depression are the reason for the ED, but the lack of facial hair makes me wonder. Can you get medical tests through college? And what medication are you on? Some medication for anxiety and depression makes it more difficult to get erections.Please do stick around, Lonelyguy, you are among friends here.

Welcome Lonelyguy. Like the boss said you are among friends here. You don't have to worry about childish behaviour or people being immature.Have you thought about joining any social clubs? Be it football, golf, fishing? Anything? These are all great ways to get out there and meet people. If you feel you wouldn't be any good at any of these just do some research into the different activities and find out more. We all start off as beginners but if you really want to give something a go there is nothing stopping you.Also have you thought about volunteering maybe a few hours a week somewhere just so you can get out there talking to people, making new friends and joining up networks.I think its worth a try and you have nothing to lose but all to gain :). Hope this helps and try not to despair, you've taken the first step by talking about it.Chin up mate!Hawk

Originally Posted By: Da Hawk

Welcome Lonelyguy.

You don't have to worry about childish behaviour or people being immature.

.... Well most of the time... Giggle -Giggle

i agree with others, you need to go out there, find an activity or something, meet new people and make new friends. i feel sorry about your cat. please give my love to her. you shouldnt care about your looks and what others say. just be yourself and do things at your own pace. its your life and you get to decide what you want to do with it. i agree it feels awful/painful when others your age or younger than you are all pairing up, you are left alone. i know how that feels cuz i am going through something similar....ugh. looking young and being young at heart is good in its own way. dont worry about it look at the positive side of things instead of the negative ones. as for what to do after your cat is gone, i would suggest getting another pet and caring for it just as you did for your cat. think of it as your pet's kid. it should help.i lost my dog some weeks ago though she was given away and is still alive. cuz i couldnt bear the separation my parents brought me another pup. the pain of losing a best friend-pet i can understand it very well. the arrival of the new pup eased my pain a bit but i will never be able to forget my previous dog, i still cherish the memories i had with her. i am also making new memories with the new pup. thats how life is. so hang in there and dont give up. and....you are not crazy so dont think like that. my life is like hell too and it aint getting any better =/ but i dont give a damn about it. if darkness is surrounding you then reach out your hand further and further until you find light. if you sit and wait for the light to come to you then you are missing out on a lot of stuff. i hope you get what i am saying here.also...depression is hard to deal with, i was diagnosed with a personality disorder and severe depression at the age of 15, i have been dealing with it for a long time. even after so many years its still hard for me to deal with it. but i have learnt to never give up and see the positive side of things. some meds lower the libido and affect erection, check with your doc about the meds you are on and tell him about it. a change in prescription may fix it.

Welcome! i understand how you feel completely. a lot of what you have said has bought back a lot of bad memories, without spouting too much about it now, and i know how it feels to be where you are now. i joined here a few years ago and made some great friends, some of which i've managed to keep for a long time, something i've never been able to do. you have done a good thing finding the people here, this is a place where you don't have to worry about the way you look, everyone has the same insecurities. where abouts in the world are you??take care, Becky xx

Thanks for the replies everyone! I really appreciate it. I know it's been a while since I've posted here but I thought I’d give everyone an update. My cat did in fact pass away. She passed away a day before New Year's Eve. I had come home from working a 12-hour night shift to find my cat had passed away that night. This happened much quicker than I thought it would and felt absolutely devastated about this. In between grieving for her and having to properly bury her I had to work 84 hours that week, 7 straight nights of working 12 hours. I felt absolutely burned out! I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. In between speaking with someone at the 24-hour crisis hotline on my night shift which was absolutely no help to me at all, I had seen my family physician about my serious anxiety & depression as well as my recent difficulty breathing & panic attacks. He recommended me to take a 2 week leave of absence which would benefit my health. I took 2 weeks off which helped but couldn't really afford to take any more time off and was shortly back to work. Right now I am the most depressed I've ever been in my whole life, I feel as if I have absolutely nothing going for me, nothing to look forward to. I'm STILL living at home, STILL don't have a girlfriend/significant other, meanwhile almost all my peers are either engaged now, married, or at least in a long-term relationship, meanwhile I can't even get a date for the night. I am so lonely and feel so isolated. I have absolutely no friends at all and struggle making new ones. I literally haven't had a date in over 6 months and haven't gone out with anyone to a bar, party or anything in over a year (about 14 months now). My job has really been affecting my physical & mental health. Like I mentioned before I work 12-hour night shifts alone in a group home with a few clients with different intellectual/mental health disabilities (i.e. Autism, Bipolar,) which can be extremely stressful on a regular basis. My whole sleeping & eating patterns are so screwed up. I find myself wired till noon then want to pass out from a lack of sleep from about 2 till 6 or so. On a day off I usually can’t fall asleep till about 6 or 7 in the morning even with my prescription meds then don't wake up till sometime in the afternoon. I usually average about 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night then on a day or two off I usually want to sleep the whole day or two then get depressed about not going out anywhere because I am so physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I feel as though I worked too damn hard to get where I am today to be in this position. Now I am going on 27, STILL living at home, STILL single, have virtually no friends, no social life, no self-esteem, and am having to take several prescription meds for my anxiety & depression/breathing problems & panic attacks which helps a bit but makes me more tired than usual. It's not like I'm not trying to get out of this big black hole feeling of emptiness. I'm on dating sites, trying to put myself out there even though I'm very depressed and have low self esteem because of the fact I'm a grown man (26 almost 27 years old) and still look like I'm 18. Nobody takes me seriously and do not get respected as being an adult in his mid-late twenties. On my time off from work I'm always looking for other work so I can get out of this rut yet nobody gives me the damn opportunity to prove myself. I feel like the more I try the more I fail. I feel completely hopeless still and just want things to change so I can finally get out of this rut, and escape this battle with anxiety & depression so I can live a normal, healthy, and fully functional life. I wish someone could help me but how is the question? I feel doomed! I feel as though I’m close to a nervous breakdown, I’ve been too strong for too long now and don’t know how much more I can take.

hey. where abouts do you work?? I'm a qualified nurse in this field of work and I know how stressful it can get in this environment. I think the levels of depression and stress are higher in this work type than others.I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I have 3 guinea pigs that are my world and don't know how i'll cope when they pass. Animals have a real tendency to become a big part of your life and it sucks when they leave. Could you get another cat when a bit of time has passed?working that much isn't healthy, will make you feel worse and will make your depression 10 times worse. you need some proper time to recover and you need time to yourself. also to socialise and interact with peers outside of work. you won't find yourself a girlfriend if you haven't got any time to do so.find a hobby, get into something that will make you get out and see people.I hope you feel better soon, I have sent you a message :@)

are you in USA?

Thanks for the reply. I'm actually from Canada. My depression has gotten so bad that I had to take a medical leave from work that my doctor requested months ago due to how bad my physical & mental health has gotten. I have been off work for about four months now and have been desperately looking for a full-time job on days more geared towards my field. I get so depressed because being this is my second career that I've tried to pursue and have been out of my training for almost a year and a half and am still unable to find a full-time day job in my field. Most of the people I went to college with and graduated with have all got great jobs in social work. Some people are working as student advisors and employment facilitators because they happened to know someone, at least enough to get their foot in the door. I know of students that took the same course as me but graduated a year after I did, which most of them have great jobs in this field. It's not like I'm sitting back, I'm being very proactive in my job search especially being on a sick leave. I have enhanced my resume and have had it professionally checked by a good few people, have enhanced my portfolio, professional business cards and am always pounding the pavement making calls, sending out resumes and still haven't had any luck. How is anyone supposed to prove themselves if they aren't even given a chance to have even one friggin' interview??? I still have sleep disturbances and have noticed myself getting very short with others. I am more blunt now...say things just the way they are and get very angry & irritable very easily. I am now 27 years old! STILL live at home, struggling to move forward in my career, have virtually no friends/social life at all and haven't been able to get a date in over a year. I've tried online dating, have been stood up/made an ass out of...I just haven't had too much luck with that. I've tried putting myself out there more but have been rejected countless times and haven't had an opportunity to even go on one date. Most of my peers that are my age or younger are either married, have kids, engaged, living with someone or in a long term relationship. I mean is it too much to ask for to just want to be able to have the opportunity to date at the age of 27??? I mean I'm in my late twenties and still struggling to even have girls become attracted to me or want to get to know me. I feel absolutely pathetic, have been thinking to myself why am I even living when I feel absolutely dead inside?. I'm not suicidal and have never and would never harm myself. But if I could make all the pain go away somehow I would. I always get ridiculed by others even by my own family members. People make fun of the fact that I'm so skinny, pale looking, still can't grow decent facial hair and get told I look 16 all the time. People always refer to me as a boy, kid, teenager, etc. Getting called all that at 19, I can maybe understand but being a 27-year-old man and getting called all that, and being constantly carded by everyone and made a big issue about the fact that I still look like a kid/teenager can be pretty damn hurtful! I'll admit I'm thin and STILL haven't really grown into a man's body. I figure now being in my late twenties and that I still look this way...it's really never going to change much even in a few years when I'm 30 I try to eat more even though I have a decreased appetite due to my depression & anxiety. I still can't put on much weight due to my metabolism. Everything I eat goes right through me because of my nerves. It's almost impossible to gain any weight. I only weigh 146 pounds with shoes on and roughly 143 without. I used to weigh 155 or so but have recently lost weight due to my life situation/mental illness. I don't think I can handle another year living at home, still struggling with my career and lacking dating experience...I feel so worthless & pathetic. I really see myself as a complete & utter failure in life! I'm absolutely losing my mind and don't know how much more shit I can take. I feel like I've been cursed in life and am being punished somehow. I may still be living but feel absolutely dead inside

That is very very hard.

sorry to hear that you are still feeling so low. Would you go back to your doctors? demand they do something to help you, they need to be helping, its not fair for you to continue to feel this way. is there anything you are interested in?? hobbies??

I'm starting to think that I should have given this thread a better & more hopeful title. The fact is yes…things can and have got much worse for myself. Since the last post which was way back last summer, I kept thinking things have got to turn around for the better...they just have to. Well, I was wrong again. I have still been struggling to find employment...mainly in my area of expertise (social service work) but have been unsuccessful in my on-going efforts. My former employer who I was still on a sick leave with due to my physicians advise started hassling me to either go back to work on nights, which I couldn't as a result of several complicated issues (severe stress & anxiety, along with sleep & digestive as well as psychological problems) I could not. They made it quite clear to me that because I have been on an LOA as a result of my on-going health issues for such a long duration of time that I either go back or I must resign from my position. I couldn't go back to work but at the same time I didn't want to resign either. I just wanted to get well and hopefully either go back on days shifts only or find a new job in a new location and start a new life (which was obviously my first choice). Well, I had no other choice but to resign from my position last September but kept thinking that maybe things will work out for me...perhaps a really good job might come my way. I was wrong again, unfortunately. I had an interview as a child & youth worker in a new location...I was so excited & grateful at the same time. A long story short...this company really liked what I had to offer and was hired but denied employment because of medical issue that I have...they said I was not able to start this position for that reason. So basically, they discriminated against me, violated my human rights and denied me employment, which I am still in the process of taking them to a tribunal hearing to resolve this wrongful act on their behalf. They refused to issue me my NVCI training certification that was rightfully earned at my own expense, which was located at their facility in the process of being hired because I was technically no longer an employee with their organization, which was clearly no fault of my own and rather their corrupt actions that cost me my job. I was a complete mess during this time. I had a mental meltdown during that time and really haven't felt the same since. I kept thinking something just has to come up for me anytime now...a job will come through for me. It has now been six months since that time and in that time leading to now I have been having moderate to severe stomach/digestion problems that are mainly in the lower mid section of the stomach and rise up to the mid chest along with bad heartburn/chest pain. I have had these problems for the last couple years due to stress. I have been to emerg on numerous occasions and have been given a shot to help with the pain but never to this severity & frequency. The other issue I have been having which go along with my stomach pain is several episodes of diarrhea on a regular basis...sometimes it comes out like water or a very soft like consistency. I was up at emerg a few weeks back because of severe...and I mean severe...like ten out of ten on a pain scale. They had me hooked up to an iv, which I received several doses of morphine & gravel and was in their for a couple nights. I have had so many tests done...x-rays, ultrasounds, upper gi, urine & stool samples, and more blood work than you can shake a stick at…thankfully everything came back negative. I have eliminated dairy and other foods from my diet as a way to see if I'm possibly allergic to certain foods. It's been several weeks now and still haven't noticed any difference yet. I do have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week to hopefully rule out any possible complications like IBS, Crohn's Disease, Gastritis, etc. I am almost certain whatever I have (hopefully nothing severe) is more than likely due to long duration of on-going stress to my body. It has not only taken a toll on me psychologically & emotionally but also physically. I have tried to be strong for way too long...literally and I mean literally I have been through a good two consecutive years of severe & on-going stress. I guess I'll try to walk you through a typical day of my life...unless I have an appointment with my doctor, psychiatrist, or counsellor. I usually don't sleep much at night because I suffer from insomnia and take medication to help me sleep...sometimes the meds work, other times they don't. I usually don't fall asleep till around 3:00 to 6:00 in the morning...it varies. I either have broken sleep which I'm up in the middle of the night and can not go back to sleep or I finally pass out because of the medication & mental exhaustion. If I can get some sleep, I usually don't wake up till late morning or early afternoon because my whole time clock is out of whack. I usually wake up due to these stomach pains and more often than not have diarrhea first thing when I finally wake up. After that I take my meds for (depression & anxiety) then try to eat something that I can hopefully digest properly...usually a piece or two of dry toast (no butter) with some juice or a cup of tea (no milk). I always take the maximum dose of Gaviscon to help coat my stomach. I always feel as though I'm going to bring up whatever I eat...I have a lot of gas and burp up everything I consume. After my breakfast/lunch, I usually feel sick to my stomach like I'm going to vomit as well as these pains in my stomach & chest flare up, which I have no other choice but to lie down. I feel mentally & physically drained along with this pain and usually lie down just long enough for the pain to subside, which varies from day-to-day. After the pain subsides, I take over-the-counter pain medication to help get rid of the pain. I usually feel very sluggish & depressed but try so hard to look for a job and send out resumes. I really put a great effort into finding a job even though that's not the easiest thing with my energy level being so low, my stomach pain, as well as the fact that nobody seems to give me an opportunity for even an interview considering how hard I try. I have not had an interview in six months (the last place was the place that discriminated and denied me employment). After I complete my job search/sending out resume and following up with places (which usually tell me the same thing...we'll contact you if you're successfully selected)...I still haven't got a call from any place. I then get so frustrated & angry, that I either vent to the crisis hotline or my mother who I live with. It's not easy and I don't mean to vent all my problems to her or anyone else. Besides my mother and the crisis hotlines, I have absolutely nobody else. I have no significant other, no friends at all, or any other family member. They are completely non-empathetic/supportive, especially my brother & sister. They are both married, have their own families and actually do the exact opposite of being helpful & supportive...they actually hassle me about the fact that I’m still living at home in my late twenties and that I still don't have a job. That's the last thing I need is to be reminded of these things. I also struggle financially and am currently on public assistance, which I am not proud of at all and is a very limited amount. I always have to go into my savings to pay my monthly expenses, which is running short now but have recently applied for disability based on my current circumstance. I feel absolutely horrible about having to resort to this Sorry to get off track but after I vent to either my mom and/or the crisis hotline I usually get a pain flare up in the process, sometimes it burns or seems like a very sharp but contracting type of pain that I usually have to go to my bedroom and sit or lie on my bed till I feel a bit better both physically & emotionally. I then usually end up having diarrhea afterwards. I also forgot to mention that I usually have a fair bit of blood & pain in my rectum as I am wiping myself. It almost seems like hemorrhoids but I'll find that out next week. After that I usually have my evening meds and dinner which has been consisting of only soup & dry toast, which is the easiest on my stomach right now. After I eat, I always feel like vomiting and have lots of gas followed by these pain flare-ups in my stomach & burning in my chest. I then sit or lie down till the pain subsides until I'm ready to go to bed thinking...well another day come and gone and here I am. At the end of the day I feel completely worthless & hopeless about my future because here I am a grown man...27-years-old (turning 28 this summer)...a decade out of high school...two years out of my training for my second and current career attempt and still have no job with all my effort put into finding one and still haven't amounted to anything in life. I thought I would have been successful in my life by now and perhaps in a loving relationship with a woman, perhaps even engaged or married and I can't even get a date. I've tried online dating for the past few years with not too much luck at all. Even then, if someone really was interested in me, how could I date right now with my health problems. Even if or when the problems can be resolved...how many women would want to even date a man in his late twenties with no job and still lives at home with his mother? This whole employment issue has literally caused me a good two solid years of grief in my life, which in turn has held me back in life from where I should and would like to be as well as caused me additional health problems. These thoughts always race through my mind throughout the whole day but especially at night and can't seem to control them. I think anybody else in the same or similar position as I would be exactly the same way. I've tried to remain positive as much as I possibly can but how can anyone remain positive any longer and not think negative at this point, taking into consideration all the problems that exist? I'm really not asking for much...why can't someone just give me an opportunity? That's all I need to get out of this horrible, life threatening rut I always heard of rock bottom and never thought I would be on the bottom of the rock Everyday seems like a dream to me, not real at all...I'm going through all the motions...living my productive-less life with on-going health issues...and typing this post right now while feeling so hopeless to the point of thinking how much more can I take? What is the point of existing when my existence is a complete disappointment & disgrace in my view...and when I feel absolutely numb everyday and basically dead inside? How much more would anyone be able to go on like this?

Hi Lonelyguy, that's a harrowing story. I note you are getting government assistance, and I think with the breakdown (clearly a result of stress), perhaps you shouldn't be looking for work at this time, but should be seeking to heal by doing things that are low-stress but good for your soul. You need time - a lot of time - to heal.Have you considered voluntary work, for example? There's a lot of low-stress voluntary work about. Though it doesn't pay it will look good on your résumé in the future.

I went through your story and I would say that be happy, life is given once, you should enjoy your life, God is with you, and God is your real friend, believe in him and you would be given everything you want in your life.