Finished a 5 year relationship, with complications

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Hey guys, sorry for not visiting more often. This place is not something I've forgotten about, it was such a huge part of my life for so long, I just haven't been able to talk about things for a good while.I just finished a relationship of 5 years and I'm feeling lonely. I was dumped, to put it plainly. Her thought process was that we're on a break (yes, I made the obligatory Friends joke at the time) but really, when someone says that they don't want to be with anyone right now, thats not a break, thats a break up with the expectation that your partner will wait idly by while you figure your shit out. If you are confused by any of my quick shifts in topic and erratic tonal shifts, it will be due to my new found love of the numbing effect of alcohol and psychotropic drugs.2011/2012: I moved in with my girlfriend in September as she started her final year of college. Throughout the year she developed a very strong friendship with some people from her class and they are still very close. One of them moved in with us this week*. (*Broke up 3 weeks ago, still living together but now in separate rooms. New house mate was planned several months ago and she is a very nice person.) As she got closer to her friends and was hanging out with them more often, I got pushed onto the back burner. I received little to no attention unless something was required of me (lifts, drink, cleaning, etc.). Otherwise I was to mind my own business. Not exactly in those words but words to that effect.I started getting angry, lashing out unnecessarily and getting pissy for no reason that she could understand. Culminated when I forced the conversation about where our relationship was and this resulted in the break up. I feel stuck in this house, partly because its the only place I can afford and I love living away from my parents, and also because I don't think I can face the embarrassment and shame of moving home and therefore admitting that I failed, that I'm unloved. Everybody always talks about the pain of losing someone that they care about but nobody ever seems to talk about the horrible feeling that comes from realisation that someone that you love has slowly cared less and less about you over time without you ever realising it. Its horrible, knowing that something about you has pushed this person away.I'm waffling now. As I said, my new best friend is a cool glass of blindingly strong liquid. Just feeling very low right now.

Bob,Be careful with the booze. It is NOT a cure, but only a pain relief. Sort of taking aspirin for a headache when you've got something else going on. The question is, do you want to move on? Maybe this is one thing that you really don't have a choice in. It kind of sounds like she's making it for you. A third party in a relationship is never a good sign. What was her response when you asked where she thought things were heading?

Thanks for the reply Ready.The drinking habit has subsided somewhat, partly because I sadly can't really afford it right now and also because my boss had a little heart-to-heart with me about my recent behaviour. I'm trying to settle down a bit and not ignore things.So its almost 2 months later and things haven't really changed. Still living in a tiny box of a room in this house, right next to her room (our old room). Drives me a little mad because she often has a certain male friend of hers stay in her bed whenever he's around. I know, I know, you're thinking WTF! It does drive me mad, their friendship is ridiculously ambiguous. They could be together or they could be just friends, neither of which really matters because if you remove sex from the equation (something that disappeared from our relationship a long time ago) he has completely taken over my role in her life.Things have actually changed, I've gotten angrier. Anger was something that was never really a part of my life but now, its almost all I feel. Apart from my bi-weekly rant at her for making me feel like crap while acting as if it all means nothing to her (it does, apparently), my knuckles are bruised and aching from hitting every surface I can find. Punched the door of my wardrobe cleanly off its hinges the other day. But I think I've resolved that by lifting up my mattress and leaning it against a wall. It doesn't hurt nearly as much.Wow, I really am a mess. I've never gone through something like this, especially in a relationship that went on for so long. I'm really stuck as to how to deal with this without going nuts.

I feel you have to put her completely behind you, so it would be better to move home, unpleasant though it may be, than to stay living there.

I too have been in a relationship similar to this. Although it was years ago, when me and her broke up I went crazy, drinking, fighting, damn near stalking...but several years after that particular relationship I am happily married (to a different woman) and have one 4 year old child and just found out that we are having another....so in a "nut-shell" I am happy to say, having been a relationship similar to the one you had, IT GETS BETTER!!!! The only way I moved on was to do just that! Or in your case, find a way out and cut ties!!!! You will be much happier and forget things alot quicker when you aren't near any of "them"

Welcome to A2A Thanks form your input. I'm sure that simillar situation has happened to many of us. sometimes I beleive it has a lot to do with being inmature.... and congrats on the great news!

I'm moving out. Arranged it with my parents, moving back home next weekend. And on my birthday, how depressing. Haven't told my parents why, just told them that I can't afford to live here any more, which is also true. I've been trying my best to be nice, to be friendly. I don't want to leave on bad ground. I've been holding my temper when it flares up. Recently its just been the two of us in the house and we've been getting on really well, but from the moment someone else arrives, its like she wishes I was gone already, despite her saying the opposite. Leaving has to be a good thing, because staying is going to rip me apart.I'm trying to kick up my social life again, to see me friends more. Worked for a moment or two last week when I went to a friends party. But half way through the night, one of them figured out what had happened and told everyone else, and suddenly a fun night had turned into a pity party for Bob, with lots of "It gets better" and "I'm here for ya" and "How are ya doing?" It got to the point where I just had to leave because I didn't want to be pitied, I want my friends to act as if everything is normal. Everything else in my life has just been gutted, I really just wanted that aspect of it to be the same...I know, I know, it gets better. Its the objective truth and its a shining beacon in the distance, but for now I am in a pit of misery. I don't want people to try cheer me up, my instinct is to rant about it to anyone that will listen but I know that won't help because it won't change anything. What's happened has happened and I just want to be over it as quickly as possible.

All things pass. As the days follow each other, that shining beacon gets closer and the past gets further away.

I am feeling very sad after reading this post .In the ups an downs of life some moments come when one completely disappointed and but we need to face the all difficulties manly in our life . Its good for us in practical life .What you think about it .

Well it's 7 months later (to the day) and, as expected, all is much better. Have occasionally talked to the ex but just the usual light conversation. In a new relationship now, working out quite well. It seems to be moving fast but I'm keeping an eye on it, I don't want to rush into anything.Just updating to close off the problem and also to show anyone who might read this some time in the future, even horrible break-ups like mine fade away into the past eventually.

I'm very glad to hear this.