Unfortunately life is getting to the point where im starting to go back to my old ways. When i was 15/16 i smoked pot alot, i drank everynight, and smoked cigg's when i had the chance. I also failed all my classes and had no chance of graduating.Long story short when i was 17 maybe late 16 i realized i was fucking up and i left my highschool and went on independent studies. That was half way through junior year. Its now my senior year and im 2 weeks from graduating and i have all my credits.I turned my life around, stopped my bad ways, did good in school, got a job which ive had over a year now, started doing activities including MMA which is my savior. I won the state championship after 3/4 months of training. I can do alot when i put my mind to it.But these past couple months life has gotten back in the hole again, now its financial problems and personal problems, and alot of other stuff. More adult stuff, rather than my previous problems which was mostly homelife and school.Im now starting to drink again. Ive been drinking a glass of wine every night since my 18th birthday. Sometimes il drink more and just let myself get drunk. Ive also smoked a few cigg's and its tempting to go buy some. Im starting to resort back to my old habits, and i dont like it but i feel its my only escape rather than suicide, which sounds quite nice at times.I know ive been here with alot of problems lately but this is the only place i can go to and talk, except for my girlfriend who is wonderful but cant always relate. Im not so sure what to do anymore, and i dont have a question really its just getting shit off my chest
Back to my old ways
I applaud you not only for what you have accomplished, but for being mature enough to know how to get there. Many people never come to that realization and think that the gutter is the only place they can live.Drinking one glass of wine a night is not a problem; in fact there is research that it is good for you. Continuing until you are drunk, however, is not only not good for you, but also as you realize, I'm sure, indicates deeper issues.It's tough making the transition from high school to adulthood and all the responsibilities that come with it, but it sounds like you've good a good head on your shoulders and that gives you a leg up on a lot of other people.
Thank you for the response. I was glad to pull myself out of the gutter, and i do not feel like im ever going back there. Im just scared 1 glass a night will turn into 2, then 3, then 4 you know? Things are just very tough right now. The financial thing is really what is the stress. Month to month its like "Oh no are we going to make rent?" "I hope we can paybills". We dont have food in the house, and havent had it for awhile. Ive been living off cheap meals, fast food and junk food. I havent had a decent meal in forever. The money i make at work pays for bills, not just mine but my moms, its just me and her and i have to help her which i dont mind, because i hate that my mom works so hard, but its just so hard worrying all the time.Also all my personal problems just get to me, and everything else thats stressful. As far as drinking myself drunk i know it indicates problems. Its very rare i drink myself drunk, i just have 2 sometimes 3 glasses max, but theres days where everything gets to me and i just need to escape. I just hope everything gets better soon, and thanks for talking to me.
One thing I've learnt from gym is that from time to time you'll have a bad day, or week, or whatever, but the key is to keep going. So many people have a bad week and think to themselves, "Well, all my hard work is gone, may as well give up", and stop. I can see by this post you're clearly not one of those people. Everyone goes through rough patches, but you must never give up. I guess what I'm trying to say is that whilst it may feel like you're resorting back to your old ways, there is a big difference this time. You know it, you don't want it, and you're trying to stop it. So long as you understand this you'll come through fine.I'm sure you know more than most what it means to keep on fighting. Good luck.
I didn't catch if the smoking and drinking is something you want to give up completely or it's something you're now doing more often than you want.
Either way, don't allow yourself to fall down completely again. If you gave yourself the will power to take control of your life, then you can do it again. This time you have more to lose than before. Look at what you have now than what you did back then. You have a girlfriend, you have a stable job, you're graduating school, going to college soon, have your own car, and a state championship under your belt. You've worked too hard to get yourself where you are now to fall back to your old habits. You should have enough pride and self-respect to not allow yourself to hit rock bottom.
I know life gets too tough at times, and it's good that you're talking about it. That's a lot better than drinking your problems away. Why don't you take a day off or two and get a break from things. It's important for your health to take the time for yourself. I know you have a plate full of responsibilities, but you're not super human. If you keep piling up all this pressure and stress, it's going to explode into something ugly.
I know it's easier said than done, but I think it'll be good for you. Continue to talk about what's going on and find some time for yourself. Even if you can't give yourself a full day, then take a few hours away from the stress.
Hang in there and always do your best.
No matter how gifted, you alone can not chang...
You probably won't listen to my first answer, so here's my second one:Sounds like you're good at pulling yourself together when you've got goals. Goals achieved, old ways begin to reappear. Perhaps it's time for a new goal(s)?
Congratulations on getting the state championship! That's a great achievement.