Why is it so importent to the women to have a bigger and flashier wedding than any of their girlfriends at the sacrifice of their long term financial security?
I'd like to hear a female perspective on these questions
Well, here's my female perspective on it anyway Buzzie – because they’re crazy; I dont get the competitive nature of modern day wedding ceremonies either. My partners brother got married last september and the brides parents paid for the ceremony. It cost around 30.000 euros (around 35.000 dollars) and was WAY more than they could have paid for on their own. Maybe it's not a huge amount to spend by the standards of this day and age, but I think it's total madness to spend that kind of cash (especially when you havent got it!) on a single day.
My boyfriend and I have had a lot of wedding talk recently and I told him that IF we get married, there's no damn way I'm going through that circus. You may laugh, but it isn’t the money that'd concern me; it's the thought of that exhausting draining day where you're the centre of everything and everybody eyeballing you, just crowds of people, and anybody who knows anything about Irish weddings will tell you that it's not considered a traditional Irish wedding unless a fight breaks out, so of course some arsehole will take it upon themselves to start throwing punches somewhere around midnight. Irish weddings are generally just a drink-fest, and I don’t want the solidifying of my relationship to be an excuse for people to get plastered drunk (God knows they’ve already invented enough excuses for that in this country!)
I've gone a bit off topic re your question, but to respond to it properly; yes there is a lot of 'my ring/cake is bigger/dress is more expensive/cars/location cost more than yours, blah blah', but I think the main focus for women who hold those attitudes is not so much about out-doing their girlfriends, but rather seeing their wedding placed in a position of primary importance on the social calendar, and out-doing their girlfriends weddings is just considered a necessary manoeuvre in order to achieve that aim.
I dont hold with any of that crap at all. I told my partner if we marry I want a tiny
wedding, just me and him, our kids, and about a half a dozen or so of our family members. (which’ll be hard, as I am one of five kids and he’s one of nine)
I want a ‘pared down’ wedding. My focus is on my relationship and when the time comes, it’ll be on my marriage, not my bloody wedding day. I'd like to wear a cream silk trouser suit and don’t want an engagement ring. I think it's much more romantic to have matching wedding fingers. A good friend of mine is a very gifted jewellery designer, so I think it'd be lovely to have her design matching Celtic style wedding bands with the stones set into the rings. I was thinking rubies, as, being red, they symbolise passion and love and, more importantly, I think they’d suit his sallow skin and dark blue eyes. As for whether they’d suit me, I couldn’t give a shite!
Some women want the ‘fairytale’ wedding and I certainly don’t put them down for that, that’s all well and good if they can afford it, but sacrificing your financial future for the sake of a day is just stupid, because money problems are going to put a strain on the marriage, from day one – literally!
God, I’ve gone into a rant here! Incidentally, I don’t see anything wrong with giving cash or cheques; I think that practice originated as a result of people constantly receiving unnecessary and unwanted gifts, like getting three toasters etc. Also, as Angel says, there's the issue of what to buy people who've been living together for years, as a lot of people have in this day and age. (By the way Angel, your wedding sounds fantastic hon)