Don't Want to be Gay, Help!

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All I can say is get professional help. As a forum I think we have done all we can to help you. I think you need someone with more professional skills to help you work through your depression. There is no harm or foul in asking for help. So again I stress to please seek out a counselor, you have a long life ahead of you and you deserve to be happy.

Quote:Like I said before even without being gay or bisexual I'm still not as good as everyone else.That's what depression tells you, but it lies. You see yourself from the inside, but you see other people from the outside - a very different perspective. People tend to suppress their faults and not let them show on the outside. Other people have lots of faults and failings too! Quote:I lack social skills,So do most people on the Net - and indeed I think it is normal for Generation Y as a whole. Quote:I don't believe I'm worthy enough for anyone,That's depression again. Let the other people decide that. Quote:I can only breath out of one nostril at a time,I believe it is normal that one nostril takes most of the airflow at any one time. Perhaps you have more secretions because of the anxiety. Quote:and my hands sweat constantly to the point I can't even shake hands without being embarrassed or even take notes in class without soaking the paper.This could also be the anxiety disorder. Depression and anxiety beyond the normal aren't things you have to live with - there are treatments.

Ok so where I'm at right now is I'm pretty sure girls turn me on to some extent. I've concentrated purely on sexual thoughts about women and produced an erection so that's good and I'll leave it at that. At least it means I can have an actual life.Any feeling I ever had that was deviant is a result of the internet. I bet there are a whole generation of kids only gay because of the internet. If not for the internet I would have never been exposed to any of this and probably never had the slightest inclination.I'm glad this happened and I became sure I was attracted to girls because up until then I felt like Hitler and Eva Braun in the bunker in the last days of the third reich, desperate with nothing left but a cynaide ampule and a bullet in the head because the alternative was far too terrible.

Quote:I bet there are a whole generation of kids only gay because of the internet. Highly doubtful, homosexuality has been around since most likely the beginning of time... but for the sake of argument, homosexuality has been around since there has been documentation. It’s nothing new and it’s never going to change.There aren't more homosexuals now than there was say 50-100 years ago, it's just the fact its becoming more accepted hence people don't have to hide. I cannot wait for the day when people stop looking at something as small as sexuality as a term of definition; it takes multitudes of items to define a person.Regardless of your sexuality you'll never accept yourself because you continue to link the word "Deviant" with "Homosexuals" which is not true, not to mention you have this idea that you cannot have a “normal” life if your are homosexual/bi. I am just one of any that will tell you otherwise. Just because a person is homosexual/bi doesn't make them a deviant, strange as this sounds to some people.. it makes them human.Take Care of yourself and I hope you are true to yourself and never live your life based on other people’s opinions and standards.

You know I really find it difficult to associate homosexuality with anything besides deviant. I spent a lot of time browsing m4m personals and any arousal or curiousity I had pretty much went away after reading some. Never mind that anyone on there was far below my standards and I just found the image of a man to be disgusting.

Most of them consist of people stating the are "poz", into being "bred", having someone anonymously show up and pound their ass without even making eye contact, sick shit. Who the fuck meets someone on the internet and has sex with them without a condom? Who has that low self esteem they leave their door open and post their address?

I certainly have never ever heard of a woman spreading her pussy and lying down waiting for some stranger to come up and fuck her, or a woman going into a public restroom to get fucked by a random slob. there is things here that never happen in heterosexuality. Homosexuality is so full of perversion and such shame.

There's also always the thought of aids with anything gay which really dissuades me.

I understand this isn't always the case and gays can have normal relationships but it certainly isn't reflected to this level with heterosexuality. This is why I can't be gay and cannot associate with that level of depravity.

Rather the demonizing an entire part of the populace why not just admit to yourself you can't handle the thought of being gay... and go with god. Only harm can come from tearing down in someone else what you can't stand in yourself.

I do not associate homosexuals with deviant behavior as much as I associate MEN gay or straight, with deviant behavior.

Yeah of course it's not a gay disease but it just seems to be a pillar of gay culture and the threat is a lot more prevalent, even the thought of it just kills any same-sex attraction I ever had. And yeah sure, straight people have casual sex but you NEVER EVER see it to the extent and intensity of homosexuals. Like I said before, I've seen at least 100 posts with guys advertising they are lying face down, naked with the door unlocked waiting for a stranger. That's disgusting and wrong on so many levels. It is not ok, and that does not constitute normality. Someone who does that has serious psychological problems and if you disagree with that, so do you. No woman would EVER put herself in the in the above position, EVER, maybe it happened one time in the history of the planet and if it did it must have been for drugs or money. The whole act of meeting in restrooms is exclusively homosexual, maybe just because bathrooms are sex-segregated but still, men and woman together make an effort to at least get to know each other a little.Sure women allow men they just met to have sex with them without a condom, fuck I've even had sex with a girl I just met without one, I regret it but it turned out ok. But there seems to be this whole element of just fucking strangers anally which is a lot riskier without any means of safe sex. If you're already in a high-risk demographic, why would you do that? And I am probably safe to assume any men who post such a thing already have AIDS.I said before I know all gay people aren't like this but it's disproportionate the amount of abnormal perverts in homosexuals to heterosexuals. I think just considering what I'm talking about is enough to make any gay person reconsider. I think exposure to the realities of all these aspects of homosexuality can really turn one straight. Anyways I think it will all work out for me because I am certain I might be just bi or something which is borderline acceptable provided I stick to women. I'm not repulsed by women which I've read is a symptom and I do know when a woman is attractive to me so I will do ok.

Good hell son!I am not gay, but I am or was, till I retired from that life, the pinacle of deviant behavior in the sexual world.No girls lay around waiting to be fucked eh?Exactly what do you think the net was invented for? I fucked alot of random girls, alot I met online with in an hour or less of meeting them in person.At a dennys in salt lake city I fucked a girl I had met not 20 minutes earlier in the parking lot against the side of the building in plain view for anyone who walked around the corner from the front door to see, Iv had a blow job in a bar in a corner booth from a girl Id met half an hour earlier and bought a single drink, she never even finished that drink before I was filling her throat with a new hot liquid. A checker at wal-mart that was checking me out when I bought paint and she started saying some shit about how she could smell it, I told her it was her, I could smell it too and she smelled wet, I got my receipt and a note on it saying to call her in an hour when she got off for a lunch. I fucked her an hour later in the parking lot with the t-tops off my firebird by the delivery dock. Ever been to an orgy? I have, I fucked no fewer than 6 girls on some of those nights, pull my cock out of ones twat and another one there to suck it clean before I stuck it in her, finishing guys off with a blow job they had never met before the party got started and swapping it with spit in gooey kisses back and forth with a girl that they had never met before that night while people looked on, tag teaming girls with friends using her like a ping pong ball batting her back and forth with a cock in her mouth and one in her snatch on all fours. A girl I was in high school with that used to show up to parties and fuck herself with a frozen candy bar while melted chocolate ran down her thighs and offer to fuck who ever ate the melted remains.Gay men do not have the reigns of the deviant horse.IF you find no deviant behavior outside of the gay life, its only because you never looked.I am 38, Iv been with one woman for the last 6 years (6 years in feb. actually) I was married at 19 and stayed married to that twat for 10 years. lost my virginity at 14 and had to wait 2 more years after that knowing what i was missing befor I got any trim again. so 18 years of my life I spent with no sex, or sex with only one woman I was in a relationship with. Considering I got no real ass till I was 16 there are 3 girls inside those years. My numbers run in to triple digits in a very short fucking time, and I have not added to that number since I met the woman I am with now, nearly 6 years ago. Do the math.Sex, even ruling out gay men, is easy as pie to get! If women, straight women and bi girls were not deviant, Id be no where near the number I obtained back when the number was what was important to me. I never lied to them, said I loved them or that I was the new BF, I told them straight up it was about some fun and some pleasure, never tricked a single one to fuck me, and that number goes up if you add in new girls that I never fucked, but got a blow job from. Straight people, are just as deviant as gay.

Yeah I know girls can be sluts but still it is not to the same extent, at least you saw their faces still. The scenarios I described, no women do that, that's the point I was getting to. Real women don't even post on personals in the first place, if a woman is attractive enough, she doesn't need to.I found the root of my problem and that's rejection and the fact every attractive woman where I live is never single, I'm so fucking glad I managed to finally realize I am turned on by women because I swear to fucking allah i was gonna kill myself any day.

I'm not here to debate which side is more perverse, that's completely off topic but all I know about homosexuality is from internet curiosity.

I admit that the thought of sex with men does get me aroused, I'd be stupid to deny that but I still at least have an equal attraction to women so as long as I do have a woman I have no reason to ever act on any other thoughts.

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I also might add that the majority of men caught in restrooms are married, in the closet men, getting their rocks off so they can rush home to the wife & kids or back to the office.

Yeah I know that and it actually gives me hope of living a normal life although I have a lot more self-respect than to run off and do anything like that. I mean Senator Craig did something like that and he went out and said he wasn't gay and never had been gay.

And I just also want to know, if sexuality is concrete and nothing influences and it's permanent from birth, why are there no gay mentally retarded individuals? There has to be some kind of thought process or environmental influence that may interact with biology. Maybe there's not a gay gene but just a "potential gay" gene and it only turns the individual gay when certain conditions are met. For instance for the longest time I only felt attractions torward women, I never even considered the possibility I was attracted to men, never, even before I knew what homosexuality was and that I didn't want to be that way I felt attracted to women so I know I wasn't just conforming.

Look at so-called "prison sexuality" men go in there who have wives, families, and never a single gay inclination and in the male-only environment after a long time, they may get into guys, and when and if they leave prison, they go back to women and women only.

I live for the most part a loner's life and never really knew much about women, they seemed another species to me because I never got the chance to know them as I was too shy or just not good enough for them. I think the same thing might have just gone on with me as it does male prisoners who have no hope of being with a woman again in the near future. I think women just got so foreign to me that I just was attracted to what was similar. In addition, if I lived in a time when the internet didn't exist, I probably never would have explored it any further. The internet makes it possible to find so much material privately, if I didn't have the internet I would have been forced to find such material in sex shops or other irreputable places where I would have been required to face other people and reveal myself which I would have never done. That's why I said the internet will be responsible for creating more homosexuals, people who otherwise would never be exposed to such may never have those feelings surface because there would be nothing to inspire it.

People who think there's only two sexualities are it's that simple and concrete are fucking idiots, I think it's so much more complex than that and every gay man has it in them to be with a woman in a healthy relationship.

Don't bash me, just consider what I say, it makes a little sense.

Hmm interesting.Well I'm not saying it caused it, I'm saying if I felt things like that before the www, where would I find anything that would further those feelings? I'd have to go out of my way to do it and the feelings go away too fast for me to accomplish that, with the internet in 1 second I have access to two girls shitting in a cup and eating it, before the internet, where would you find that?Don't get me wrong, it's cool to be gay but it is not cool to be deviant and have anonymous, faceness sex, that's just creepy and disgusting. I though, am strongly against being exclusively gay at least because I think every man should know the love of a woman. To be 100% honest though I go through obsessive phases about all sorts of things and eventually this will just blow over as it has before. Before this I was obsessed with thinking I had cancer, before that I had terrible fear of going outside, I go through phases of abnormal thought patterns and I obsess about things. I found an acceptable answer by really deeply thinking and like I said before I can live with that, let that be the end. If someone can just delete this thread please do, maybe that will keep me from going on in circles.

I caught that after I slicked submit, had to reread it myself, then I thougth "Fuck it, its more fun to let it alone"

Did you ever consider the fact that your view is being warped by virtue of what it is your seeking out. One could get the exact same impression of women if their primary interaction with them was by using the Stumbleupon app in Firefox. In generating random websites to view it sometimes seems like every third one is some woman taking her close off for the camera. From that kind of experience one could easily make the leap that all women must be sex fiends who will expose themselves for anybody with a camera.Likewise, if your primary experience with gay men is reading the adds posted by the few hook-up junkies then, yeah... your going to have a warped view of what a gay man is. Keep in mind that we see those who put themselves out there, who want to be seen. The vast majority, however, are just people. People who live a quiet uninteresting but enjoyable life.I doesn't matter how you choose to live your life but please don't castigate a large number of people based on easy stereotypes.

Rad, Grav, and Oldfolks did a pretty good job of saying a lot of what I was thinking when reading your posts, so I won't go back over it again.What I did want to touch base on is the idea that HIV/AIDS is predominately in homosexuals. That is actually not true, and hasn't been for a few years. There has been a steady decline in new HIV/AIDs cases in homsoxuals. Instead there has been a steady increase in cases in the straight African American population, so much so a medical article published last year had straight African Americans as the group with the most HIV/AIDS outbreaks.There was a time when HIV/AIDS was huge in the homosexual population, that was because there wasn't any real need for protection (most of the other STD's were cureable.. not saying that's a good reason to not use protection regardless!!!). By the time they figued out what HIV/AIDS was and how it spread it was already largely infected in the homosexual population. Thanksfully through education and self-awareness the numbers have dropped dramatically.

I first want to start by saying: HIV/AIDS isn't considered a gay disease in anywhere except Anerica. The first person to come to the United States with AIDS was a gay flight attendant. They have actually traced it back. He was British and didn't sleep with women, obviously. That's why more gay men gotAIDS in the US. Secondly, I want to say a few more things to you shawanuga. We are the same age. But there are a lot of differences between me and you. You were scared of getting cancer. I got it. And fought. And survived. You are scared if being gay. Or rather, disgusted you have gay feelings. I felt the same way. I was ashamed. But the thing is, I was never socially awkward. My dad was present. I never acted feminine. My mom didn't baby me. I've slept with a lot of girls. I've dated even more. I've never seen gay porn. And I have to tell you, histor tells us that men were gay even in Roman times. It's not the internet or a product if society. It's what happens. But I haven't been happy. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I felt a hole in my life. But a few weeks ago a guy approached me. I knew he was gay. I had talked to guys on the Internet before. But he was different. We texted. We talked on the phone. And finally we went on our first date this last weekend. And he's not feminine. He's normal. He has a lot of friends. And he isn't obsessed with dick or being gay or fucking. We talk about everything: movies, life, school, friends, drugs, anything and everything. I never get bored of him. And ya know what? He kissed me. He held my hand. He was sweet. And I'm falling for him. This might be too much information. But you have to understand that I'm finally happy. It won't be easy. My mom and dad hate gay people. But I'm ready to face it. I'm ready because I care about this boy and he truly cares back. You pervert something beautiful. You are looking at it the wrong way. Try to open up to the possibility that being gay isn't disgusting. It can't be avoided. And sometimes the love of a woman isn't enough. You don't have to be gay. I'm not offended. But other people are. You are entitled to your opinion. But don't hurt others. We want to help. That's the point. But you have to listen. Don't get so defensive.

Originally Posted By: Felix 12I first want to start by saying: HIV/AIDS isn't considered a gay disease in anywhere except Anerica. The first person to come to the United States with AIDS was a gay flight attendant. They have actually traced it back. He was British and didn't sleep with women, obviously. That's why more gay men gotAIDS in the US. That is one of the theories on how AIDs came to America, but has yet to be proven. There are several theories on how AIDS found its way to America.To me it doesn't even matter how it got here. Its here and the important thing is to learn how to protect yourself and stop the spread of the disease.

You sure about that?I thought that was proven fact?British or american or mexican I have no idea, but I thought that a gay flight attendant spreading it globally was fact and that they had even IDed him by name.THough it does stick in my head he was bi and not simply gay, add to that IV drugs and what not and how it spread is pretty easy to see.If I had the time Id look in to it, but Im just taking lunch, then back to finishing some shit at the new house and moving, no time for research today.

Thanks Rad, you saved me time hehehe