I figured that would be pulled out...let me explain myself. Growing up, I'd always felt deprived and unloved. I didn't realize anything was out of the ordinary, I'd just figured that thats how life is and I should accept it. My parents divorced while I was in 8th grade, and while I didn't think I was really impacted by this, while I didn't feel like I really cared what was going on with them or not, I've been told otherwise. My mom told me once that in 8th grade, soon after their divorce my grades dropped severely, and they were worried and had met with professionals and with my teachers and counselors. I don't remember this, but they'd never told me much about it at the time anyway. Regardless, I had fallen into a deep depression, as that runs in my family, and also had been caused by recent events. I started cutting to relieve my pain, and threatened suicide to myself, and confided my difficulties in a few friends. I'd decided to attempt suicide once, but couldn't go through with it. My grades as a freshman were horrible. I had few friends, and of those few hardly any even seemed to care. I again decided to try to commit suicide, again by cutting, however this time, I was stopped by a friend. For confidentiality reasons, not that any of you would know him, we'll call him John. Now John seemed to be someone who cared, and whole-heartedly loved people and cared what what was going on in their lives. After we'd been talking a while, I'd realized that he was a christian. I asked him if that's what made him so different, and he affirmed that presumtion. I started going to church with him in December of 2001. I went to Bible studies, church, sunday school, the works. I'd kept back mostly from the other kids, as my mom didn't really want me at church anyway, she didn't believe that it was good for people to believe lies like that. John and I became closer and closer, discussing everything on our minds as teens and spending more and more time together. We worked at the same place, a pizza place. Our manager was gay, and obviously really liked John, even though he was only 16 and the manager 23. John always got raises, and way more hours than me, and I was just as good at what we did. One day, a guy we worked with was talking about his recent sexual experiences. I'd happened to be staying at John's house that night, and we (being horny little teenagers) decided to try it out with each other. Well, obviously, as almost anything sexual would, it felt good. So, as the ol' saying goes, "If it feels good, do it." We continued with a homosexual type relationship for the next several months, trying many different things, but usually oral sex is what ended up happening, as I really didn't like the way anal felt. After a while of this, I started feeling as though something wasn't right, and things weren't as they should be. I wanted to talk to John about it, and see what he thought. He'd seemed more distanced lately, so I attempted to get him to spend the night at my house again, and told him what I wanted to talk to him about. Any time I called him, he was either not home, or busy and couldn't talk long. I had the sneaking suspicion that he had another life going, something entirely different from the John I knew, something he was hiding from me. It went on for the next couple months (this was spring of 2003) and finally I realized when I would have an opportunity to talk to him: Church Camp. I waited for it to come, and finally, school was out. That June, we went to church camp. I waited for an opportune time, when everybody else was out of our little dorm we stayed in, and called John in to talk. I'd asked him how he felt about what we'd been doing and if he thought it was right or not. He didn't really seem to want to talk about it. He admitted that he was pretty sure he was gay, and said that I was too. Now, knowing what the christian church teaches on this matter, I got a bit alarmed. He then told me that I was not the only partner he had been with, and he had been with two other men, one of them being the manager of our workplace. (I'd quit a few months before that because the tension between me and the manager was high, and now I'd understood why) He said he'd also been introduced to drinking, and had been involved in viewing homosexual pornography for several years. I was worried also that either one of us could have an STD. That night was senior night, and since John and I had just finished our junior year and were going to be seniors, we were allowed to stay out past curfew. John knew that I had been worried about these things, and that I didn't like how he'd changed from the Christian that brought me to church to a homosexual drunk (harsh term, please excuse it, but it gets my point across) He'd fallen hard to his sin, and didn't have a second thought about it. That night, anyway, he went out and called the manager, telling him about his camp experience and that he missed him, and seemed to be rubbing it in my face that he didn't care what I thought. After we got home, I started my research. Our manager had convinced John that he was gay because God made him that way, and that it was all genetic. I bought books about the "gay gene," studied scriptures on homosexuality and sexual immorality, and went to secular sites (like this one) and christian sites to get different views on the matter. Still feeling linked to God, I had cast out my immorality and repented, which wasn't hard after I'd seen all the lies the world believes, and reading the truths of God's word. I tried to convince John of these same truths, but he stuck by the manager, whom I guess for the sake of ease I'll call Pat. After about two weeks of this panic I was in, I realized I was getting worn out, and was over doing it. I confided in another of my best friends, my ministers son, Mark. Mark encouraged me and helped me study, and best of all, prayed for me...AND John. He was good friends of both of us. After about another week, I found a documentary video about homosexuality, and told John that I was going to send it to him so he could watch it. He didn't like this idea, as his parents could see the box come to him in the mail and question it. He'd never done anything very radical like this before, but at that point, he threatened me. It definitely wasn't music to my ears, probably one of the most painful things i've ever heard someone say. He was so worried about his parents finding out that he threatened me with physical harm. Seeing that I had no choice, I sent the video, which I assume he hid, I never heard anything else about it. Anyway, after that we realized that he meant business and it was getting dangerous, and seeing that I was only a christian for one year and wasn't able to handle it, Mark and I told our youth minister and his wife. I don't remember all of the conversation, a lot of these summer weeks my mind has blocked out and I can't remember since it was so traumatic. I do, however, remember that my youth minister said this: Do you want to give him the help he needs, knowing that it won't work for sure and that he may hate you forever? Awkwardly, I said yes. So, we went to John's parents. They immediately went to his work, went in and got him, and took him home. Over a few interactions with the owner of the business, Pat was fired. (realize though, that it was not because he was gay. I wouldn't ever wish anyone fired for being gay, it was because manager and lower employees weren't allowed to have relationships, and they had broken that rule.) After talking to some church leaders and his family, something that I could not do had been done. John had realized what he had been doing, and agreed that it was not what God wanted for him. For a while, he and i weren't allowed to be around each other, just until we both had overcome any temptations to fall back to it, however, we're friends again today. (and may I say, just that) He has a wonderful girlfriend, and they are planning on marriage. They both go to a christian college, and could never be happier. Our whole youth group knows every detail of what went on, even greater to what has been explained in this LONG post, and still accepts us, offered help and encouragement to us, and as i said earlier, even better, prayed for us. They all have seen the changes we have made in our lives, and know that we exist to serve God, not our own evil desires. He and I are in fact still friends, and even talk about our past together every once in a while. We both agree that it was a mistake, lifechanging, but a mistake. He even knows about things I've been posting on this site. that was a long post, even though it still seems incomplete, as there is a lot more to my life than that.
One more thing though...
In reply to:
I can turn homosexual with the will of god!
THAT, is NOT a true statement, nor was it implied in anything I said. it was not BECAUSE i was a christian that i WAS gay, but i am no longer BECAUSE of my faith in God for a better life. homosexuality is not something we are born with, it is something we choose, and something a lot of people are tempted with, and in my opinion, not something to be trifled with. The ONLY way you can turn to homosexuality, is AGAINST the will of God. However, as I said, we all make our own choices.