Cutting

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I used to do it a long time ago - but it was out of guilt. I felt guilty about some things. I felt that I was punishing myself and that felt better.
I didn't cut much actually, I didn't want any scars - who want's people to know what you're doing? - Only those that are seeking attention. I didn't want any attention and used other less noticable methods. Though if I did cut myself accidentally somewhere I'd cut it much worse deliberately.
I doesn't get you anywhere - so just give up people. It does more harm than good and there are much better ways of dealing with your hardships than cutting.
Life can be tough at times, but all in all, it rocks.

Lots of people say its for attention but i did it and nobody has seen my arms for about a year and a half now, i hide it all the time.

Let me use this analogy: you have a mild toothache. You stub your toe. For a moment you forget all about your tooth. Same way with cutting, it dulls the other pains. Problem is, stubbing your toe repetedly causes the effect to wear off, so you have to increase it. That's where you go from cutting to burning, etc.
It's like a drug. It dulls your senses. It's highly addictive.
If it hurts, your prolly doing it for attention. If you are seriously using it for emotional comfort, it seems only to hurt from a distance, from a time far away.
A person does their best thinking in this situation, IMO (i am not recommending it, as it is a sure sign that there is something not right going on up there)

im totally agreeing with the whole addictive thing, even more now. and with the 'Problem is, stubbing your toe repetedly causes the effect to wear off, so you have to increase it' it is becoming a bit of an issue for me. half the time i know that i have to stop, but the other half i just do it even more badly.. its totally out of my control now... any advice from anyone? i started because i wanted to prove to myself that there was something wrong inside, because i was full of self-denial. now i cant stop.

If stubbing your toe wears off, why doesn't the effect of cutting yourself wear off also?

it does, thats the whole point.. sorry, i was very tired and not very clear. the more you do it, the less effect it has and the more you need to do.

In reply to:

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but the other half i just do it even more badly

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Sorry, I should have been clued in by that.

The self-cutting thing is a bit of a mystery to me. Do you do it to mask the pain of depression, or do you think it gives you a sense of control? Do you kind of feel like you're in the ocean, getting pushed around but the waves and currents?

ill try and answer your question, but im sorry if im incoherent because im a bit drunk. i do it for lots of different reasons, so do most people. some reasons seem better than others from the outside, but the inside pain is similarly bad no matter what.at the moment i do it because i cant not, it doesnt require a reason to do it, more a reason not to. i do it to prove to myself that im not imagining how bad i feel, it makes me feel in control, when i do it nothing else matters except that, which i can control. its a punishment, its to show other people what i cant tell them (even though i barely ever use it like that), its to show myself what i cant show myself... i started out of curiosity because i felt so bad and i knew that other people in my position did it. never ever do that, it was the most stupid thing i ever did.i think when most people think about self harm they are put off and dont think they can understand, but really most people do it sometimes. people who smoke are hurting themselves, everyone who does drugs, people who eat too much, people who eat not enough.. all these things are to hurt ourselfs whether we accept it or not. cutting is just more direct, and involves less self denial.

In reply to:does drugs, people who eat too much, people who eat not enough.. all these things are to hurt ourselfs whether we accept it or not.The difference between cutting and the things that you listed is that the harm they cause is abstact to the people doing it (a lot of the people doing those things will even deny that they're harmful), but when you cut yourself, you're drawing blood...it's pretty clear that you're hurting yourself.Cutting also seems to violate the instinct for self-preservation (I guess that's true for self-mutilation in general). It seems like the drive to self-mutilate comes from a different place than the drive to get high. But both may affect the brain in similar ways.I realize it's hard to describe your feelings to someone who hasn't felt them. It's frustrating, like when you tell someone you're depressed and the tell you to just snap out of it. Thanks for sharing your insights.

as has been mentioned by several of us current and former hackers, it really does replace the intangeble pain with an easier to reconsile, tangeble pain.As far as getting high, there is definately an endorphin rush which can also contribute to the relief of personal torment. (at least in my experience)

a lot of people who cut, do it because thats the only thing they know how to do. i mean, its the only way they have of dealing with their internal pain. people see their release in different ways, like, being in control, or using their physical pain to outweigh their emotional pain, but, personally, i watch the blood leave me, and the mess of my mind leave me 2. wen most (most, but NOT all, because no1 can ever speak for all cutters) people cut, they know that what theyre doing is "bad", but they can't (or dont know how) to stop doing it. and a lot of cutters dont ever show their scars because theyre afraid that it might hurt the people close to them, or that people would think they they were "crazy". i guess that for me, its a way of dealing with things that happen in a personal way, that leaves other people free to deal with their own lives, instead of me crying out all my problems on to them. can some1 please tell me if they can relate to anything im going through, or if they have a better way of dealing with stuff, instead of diving for a razor at ne given moment?and drugs, they are great at the time, but when you see how much they can screw up a persons life, is it really worth it?

I wish I did have a magical nugget of advice but even after getting through it, I don't feel any the wiser for it. Picking up the phone rather than the blade is a good start. Even seeking advice and support here is better than another hacking session.About 6 months ago (I can't believe it's beed that long) I went through an emotional trauma. One evening I pulled a box cutter out of my desk and began to write a couple of messages. It was brief and no where near as deep as I used to go. Frankly, it's just not as good as it used to be. So I would say that, in time, it won't be as good for you anymore either.

Many people posted that they don't understand it, or can't understand.

It is more simple then you think. I to cut, i didn't start until i was 20. I cut most of my left arm up, all the way from wrist to elbow... I even used lighters to burn myself.

It was not so i could be cool, or so i could show them off... It was because I was hurting and i didn't know how else to say it or show it... I burned myself constantly and then cut even more.

It releaved my stress, my pain and gave me a high that helped me through every day life.

Thats why i chose to do it, i don't now. Though sometimes i just wish i could cut or burn myself... I long for it now, it just takes away all my other pain.

-Dan

Just out of curiosity, how did you stop? I cut myself every day for 9 years. I was locked in an asylum for about a week, so I tried to turn it around. That was almost 3 years ago... now I've started again, and it's much worse than before. I literally don't know what to do....

its hard to stop,almost impossible to stop for good,but its nice to disguise the emotional pain with the physical.thanks sooooooo much for everyone who posted in this thread! i love you all,you all have helped me in many ways,thanks for making this thread one of the most popular on the depression forum,and its been what you might call mu Deput.thanks please help keep it on the front page,depression is a gift,not a curse...yet its a disease,and not a lovemay we all find a home and an exit in our hearts,i bleed that so many of you ,like me,are hurting,sincerely tillAugust

Dude stop. Depression is not a gift.

you shouldnt judge what you dont understand

How can you consider depression a "gift"? That's just plain silly.

depression a gift??? well here u can have mine! please take it

nowadays its trendy to be fucked up and have a medicine cabinet full of anti depressants, especially at high school its boring to be normal, people think they will be happy if they are sadanyway, i used to cut like once a week, never an everyday cutter, never told anyone, it was just a coping mechanism for me, everything would build up to the end of the week when i cut, and it felt good, i may be wrong but i think when you cut you just get this big rush of adrenalin, its almost like a drug really..